Re: What can I expect? Billsfan709: How it went down in Kentucky..I found out she was having an affair..she had no clue I knew..Confrontation..she says, "I love him, I always have, there's no hope for us". Cut to me thinking of myself, and not of us..I mean that's finality. My friend who's a lawyer refers me to another one..she asks..Q: equity in the house?..A: Very little. Q: The new car you bought her for her birthday, who can afford it? A: Me. Q: Any children? A: No. Q: Are many debts joint, i.e. student loans, credit cards, etc. A: No. We shared a Lowe's card, that's about it, all debts were split by who owed what. Thank god. I assumed the mortgage, home equity line, and the Lowe's card..the rest of the debts were our own. She could'nt force me to sell the house or car, as we'd both take a bath on either one..I got the dog..you can't keep a greyhound in a shoebox-sized apartment.
That's why it went through so fast..filed May 27, 2003, divorced July 16, 2003. I was persistent and bugged the lawyer every day..My ex split so fast, with no real "seperation", I wasn't holding out for any second chance..My ex has said "this happened so fast".. then I remind her she said she loved another man and there was NO chance of patching things up..even though I was willing to give it a try.
Well, that's my agreed divorce..gotta go Sex and the City's on..Four hot chicks..awesome!
Chris
Re: What can I expect? atd74: You can expect to have all sorts of emotional ups and downs on the day of the hearing... even more so than you may be going through now.
All of our paperwork was pre-signed before the hearing because my ex paid NOT to show up in court. Again I was left to finish this alone like I had gone through my marriage... alone. I was ok until after I was already standing in front of the judge for a few minutes while my lawyer ran down the details. I lost it when the judge repeated everything back. I started to cry but I held it in as best I could... I tried to remind myself that I would look like sh** with snot running down my face and black mascaras streaking my cheeks so I sucked it in.
Luckily my Mom was there and as soon as it was over (a whole 5 minutes later) I ran to the bathroom and cleaned up. I think though that I was on the one hand sad that it had come to this day but on the other hand relieved. Getting the divorce was as it most times is especially for the one filing, the most heartwrenching thing I've had to do so far in my life, and it was such an emotional struggle that a big load was lifted from me.
Because I had emotionally divorced my ex before the finals I was mostly settled with it. But that sudden rush of tears and sadness was unexpected on my part. And of course I got over it real fast when right after the hearing I hauled my a** down to SS and the DL facility to get my maiden name back.
It's going to be a rollercoaster ride but you will survive. ;)
Re: What can I expect? INCT: I had to hang around in the court house until the lawyers got the case called.
It was really tough, she was there, with a friend..god forbid she do something on her own. anyway, I basically went numb. I remember having to take the stand and answering a few questions.. I couldn't stop starring at her. I knew, this was the last time I was going to see her, or hear her voice. I just couldn't come to grips with it. Then, in a few minutes it was over.. I can still remember the weightless feeling..not euphoric, not sad, more like vacant. It was a crystal clear beautiful early fall day here in CT and I can still remember that I couldn't blink, and everything was completely silent and peacefull.. It was a really strange feeling.
I was in court on a Wed, so I took Wed, thurs and Fri off. I was living in a really remote area, and just spent the next couple of days playing with my dog.. nothing like unconditional love!
nobody called or came by it was just finally peaceful..
anyway that was my experience.
INCT
Re: What can I expect? pd408: My court date was initially scheduled in October of 2002 and I had prepared myself for months for that date. I had it set in my mind that I wouldn't cry, or show my butt (not literally, of course.) We sat there for hours in the courtroom, him on one side and me on the other (with BOTH of our lawyers, chatting like old friends! ;D) When our case was finally called, we had to answer the usual questions. Then came the sticking point--the overnight visits with the girlfriend present. The judge had to take a recess to mull it over, and came back and ruled against it. YES! But there were a couple of other things that needed to be worked out, so they continued the hearing until after New Year's. I waited another 4 months in agonizing hell for it to be finalized, worrying the whole time what kind of crap he would pull in between. When the date for the hearing finally came, my lawyer told me that we didn't even have to show up. She would handle it all for us. She just submitted the papers to the judge, got 'em signed, and that was it. Voila'!! No more Mr. and Mrs. It didn't really bother me at that point. What hurt was when I received my copy of the divorce decree and actually seeing the words in print. They just seemed to jump out from the page and slap me right in the face..."and forever dissolve the bonds of holy matrimony that existed between them." POW! Right in the kisser. It was tough.
Just try to be strong, and view it as your opportunity to shine and show the world that you're not going to roll over and die because this happened to you. Then go home and cry your eyes out--just get it all out, and when the tears have stopped, hopefully you will feel relieved. Like a huge burden has been lifted from your shoulders.
Hang in there, and good luck!
