Help with a "friend" BestFriends: OK here goes, I am totally new here and found some of the posts really helpful, but my situation seems a little different. If anyone has been in a similar predicament please tell me what to do!
I had a relationship with a girl a few years back which was everything I'd ever dreamed of. This girl is a real live wire and can be quite vindictive and spiteful, but ultimately that was what I liked about her. Most men's nightmare, but not mine! :-)
She ended the relationship after a couple of years, and to be fair I couldn't blame her as I really screwed up with my personal circumstances, I won't go into detail but it wasn't anything to do with other women. Then I made a big mistake - I stayed friends with her against my better judgement partly because I couldn't stand the thought of losing her altogether and partly because I knew the break up was really my fault.
We remained very, very good friends for the last two years while we have both been single, on the phone for hours every day (no that's not an exaggeration) and going out together. My circumstances have now improved dramatically and I always wanted to give it another shot and recently have tried to do just that.
Now, just as it was looking promising, the inevitable has happened, she has found someone else on the net and plans to meet him in the next few weeks. She stopped calling me and when I called her the conversation is short and mostly about the weather or some crap because she was too busy ringing the new guy. It's been over two years since our relationship ended but I can't bring myself to think of her as a friend, or to think of her with someone else, I'd always hoped we'd get back together someday, but I know, I know, staying firends has probably blown that to hell.
So I cut off all contact with her a week ago, I can't tell you how much it hurt to do but I did it with a "sorry but I don't want to be friends" type email, hoping that our 5 years might mean something. She hasn't attempted to contact me at all and I'm starting to think she never will, and all the gory details of her new relationship are in her online blog which I can't stop myself from reading. Makes my stomach churn!
Any advice? Do you think I should try to be friends (I don't want to go back to that really but I do miss her company so much), or just keep the cutoff in place and hope that this sleazebag screws up and she realises that she's lost a trusted companion?
Re: Help with a "friend" wizer_now: [quote author=BestFriends link=topic=43021.msg493193#msg493193 date=1175683270"> just keep the cutoff in place and hope that this sleazebag screws up and she realises that she's lost a trusted companion?
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You should keep the cutoff in place and hope that she realizes she lost something that she wants back. There is nothing else you can do besides assume that she is completely gone, move on as if she no longer exists, and if she surprises you by making contact then you can deal with it then.
[quote author=BestFriends link=topic=43021.msg493193#msg493193 date=1175683270"> all the gory details of her new relationship are in her online blog which I can't stop myself from reading. Makes my stomach churn!
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Since you already know that you will not be able to stop reading her blog, even though you are aware that it is self defeating and self destructive to do so, why don't you put a shortcut to it in your Window's "startup" folder? That way, whenever you turn on your PC, the first thing you will see is the latest account of her goings on with the new guy. I personally can't think of a better way to [s"> start[/s"> ruin your day.
Re: Help with a "friend" BestFriends: Thanks for that, it's what I thought but it's nice to hear it confirmed. Hardest thing I've ever done though and it's only been a week - I've seen messages on here that say they've done it for a year - that's depressing!
Re: Help with a "friend" BestFriends: [quote author=wizer link=topic=43021.msg493199#msg493199 date=1175688096">
Since you already know that you will not be able to stop reading her blog, even though you are aware that it is self defeating and self destructive to do so, why don't you put a shortcut to it in your Window's "startup" folder? That way, whenever you turn on your PC, the first thing you will see is the latest account of her goings on with the new guy. I personally can't think of a better way to [s"> start[/s"> ruin your day.
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Brilliantly put! And absolutely right of course, but it's like telling a 50 a day smoker to go cold turkey....
Re: Help with a "friend" Percy123: Best,
Life is long and it takes funny turns. You never know what is gonna happen and I have found the best way to have things turn in my favor is to do nothing at all. This is especailly true with women. I try to stay away from writing emotional e mails or letters. They always seem to haunt me later.
Just move forward and live your life. If you are a good catch and she is right for you, time will make it work.
These things are self-correcting. You will be with her if it is meant to be and if not, you will find yourself somewhere else and just as happy. I know this sound over-simplified but it is true.....
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