Re: So there is this girl.... JustBlu: I say spend more time with her and try to progress this "friendship" slowly into a more personal connection, make remarks about your desires ina relationship. If she talks about other guys or on a grilfriend level and does not respond to wanting to spend more time together, then you will know.
I think she would not spend time alone with you if she wasn't interested in more too.
Blu
So there is this girl.... l0progression: ...and I'm trying to figure out if we are now stuck in ... *gasp* ... friend zone!
Little recap: Separated in Sept '06. Had some casual flings until November. Met this girl sometime in late October. Met at an afterhours bar I went to regularly (I am a DJ and am quite connected to the electronic music scene so I know a lot of people at that place). Things started by us giving each other little stares across the dance floor. That was about it. Some other mild flirting, hugs, that sort of thing. I generally only saw her at these events and that was about it. I saw her flirting with other guys, and at that time I was flirting with other girls, then I starting going to counseling with my ex. I kinda layed low on the dating scene during this time. My ex and I weren't back together but I just felt it easier to focus if I wasn't chasing girls. We decided separation was the best option in mid-February. Since then I have been distancing myself from my ex more and more, and finally becoming interested in dating again. Girls come and go, and I have not really had much interest in anyone for very long. In fact, though I would still talk to this girl when I saw her, the flirtiness was pretty minimal. However, I have been pretty consistent on having some sort of 'crush' on her since I met her. She is ridiculously cute, fun, animated, intelligent, and cute.
So, me and this girl finally hang out outside of the club scene early this week. I suppose that kinda rekindled my interest again. Not that it was gone, just that I was not particularly interested in dating in general. We went to a bar with her, her friend, and myself. Then chilled at her place for a bit. That was about it. Couple hugs, me saying I would like to hang out again (i would say that 'hang out' was a bad choice of words),and her agreeing. Oh ya, and me pretty much hanging off her every word and thinking how ridiculously cute she is. Its been forever since I felt like that about a girl. I'm not falling all over myself, but she really is attractive and does have an exquisite personality. The thing is, I was hoping for more chemistry that night, but no such luck. I'm finding her intentions very hard to read.
I am thinking of texting her and asking her if she wants to go to the bar with some friends tomorrow. Its casual enough, and I now being casual is good. But what I'm afraid is that it has been too casual and since so much time has passed without me making any further moves I have slipped into friend zone.
The problem with the club scene is that everybody flirts, and everybody knows each other. But that does not mean that everybody likes each other more than just friends.
If I start hitting on her and stuff, won't it come off as creepy that I've liked her for so long but did nothing about it? Won't that come off as me having shitty self esteem (which I don't) having liked her for so long but doing nothing about it?
So what I want to know is based on all this, what are all of your opinions on how I should proceed.
Is she stuck in friend zone? If so, is there any way out? How should I get out? Am I being too casual?
I'm not actively seeking anything serious, but I am looking for more substance than casual sex. She doesn't come across as that type, but its possible since i was doing all that in the fall that she thinks that is my only interest and has lost interest in me because of that. Maybe not. The other thing is that I am flirty with far more people than her, and some people I flirt with much more than her and yet don't have much interest in them. Again, because everyone flirts its so hard to read people's minds!!
Any help would be awesome. :)
Re: So there is this girl.... snkpack: Just tell her you like her. I thought women were supposed to be the obsessive ones. Geesh.
Re: So there is this girl.... l0progression: [quote author=Snkpack link=topic=43036.msg493454#msg493454 date=1175713172">
Just tell her you like her. I thought women were supposed to be the obsessive ones. Geesh.
[/quote">
Yes. That is established. Not telling her is obviously not going to solve anything. :P
But there is a 'how' involved that I want to know about. Obviously just coming up to her in a bar randomly telling her "i think your cool and I like you" would be a bit off putting and a bit to.. uh.. random.
And I'm not obsessive! :P Really, at the point I'm at now, I can take it or leave it. Though I'd rather take it then leave it.
[quote"> If she talks about other guys or on a grilfriend level and does not respond to wanting to spend more time together, then you will know.
I think she would not spend time alone with you if she wasn't interested in more too.[/quote">
True. I just don't want to let it slide into the friendzone if that can be helped. And that is my concern. If I continue to hang out with her at the same pace it will likely remain pretty much the same.
Re: So there is this girl.... sheydp: When I was younger, I used to just pay more and more attention, waiting for them to pay more back until it was obvious. But back then, people didn’t worry about “rules” or “looking needy, clingy or desperate”. People didn’t come with the baggage of wondering if they will get rejected again if they show interest. They would just show you how they felt until it became obvious you are both spending more and more time together. That doesn’t work these days too often, since everyone is a bit insecure.
Now I always vote the direct approach. Tell them straight out how you feel “I love being friends and will stay just that if you like, but I am also interested in you, and wouldn’t mind seeing if we could be more than that”. At worst, she isn’t interested in more, but is flattered. At least you don’t waste your time, and you don’t lose out because you hesitated too long and someone more direct sweeps them away. Probably the outcome will be better than that – you should at least get a “real” date out of it? Don’t lose out (or waste time) if you interested!
Shey
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