Tonight Is The Night ... After Her Delays ... ron1973: Well, today I finally meet with my wife. She called me today to confirm that she would be meeting me at the apartment after she and I get off of work. The purpose of the meeting, as I alluded to earlier, is to go over billing issues and to work out schedules to pay these bills, as well as to get a firm grip on what bills we have to pay and how much to pay them.
When I called her yesterday at work to see about the car note that is coming due on the 11th, she said that she wouldn’t be able to pay it right now, and would have to phone in the payment later in the week. When I pressed her that this was important and that we should do it immediately, she started getting upset, which threw me off guard again.
Eventually, I came around to asking about how she is doing with her work, and she replied that things are hectic there and that she doesn’t “trust” her employees because they are “going behind her back” and saying one thing to the DM and then another. I asked about her health, and she said that she has been having problems with bleeding ulcers and that she is now anemic and has bruises all over her body.
I did not mention her continuing to use the gas card for grocery/munchie shopping, I did not berate her about any of the things she has done to me, but I did tell her that if she needed anything I could help her with, she had only to ask and I would do what I could. To this she replied that she doesn’t want my help, that while we are legally married, she is not with me and she wll take care of herself. Eventually, we hung up and she was sobbing and breaking down on the phone about bills and her health, and this especially was the case when I told her I retained a lawyer and got an apartment already. She seemed a little surprised by that, too, and I think that hit her.
I intend to be gentle at the start, and one last time try to reason with her about her spending, drug, trust and job problems and will try to express how they all tie in together. Hopefully she sees the light and meets me half way to try to save this marriage. If not, I am prepared to bring out the New Hardness, and will lay all sorts of truth on her chest. Truth about her using drugs behind my back and in our home, when I specifically asked her not to. Truth about her still using the credit card in her name, even after we broke up, to feed herself and that slug she is living with at restaurants while I am home dealing with the mess and the bills and the financial pinch. Truth about her lying to me and breaking her vows of “through sickness and health, better or worse, til death do part.” and that she lied to me when she said she wouldn’t leave our marriage unless I cheated on her. Truth about her taking that $300 out a few months back and to this day not telling me where she spent it and what she spent it on. Truth about her ASKING me to let her spend more time with her “friends” and then focusing her existence on this slug she is feeding and dragging around town using our gas card under MY name! Truth about STILL finding dope paraphernalia in our apartment even after she said she stopped. Truth about how her friends…her “best friends,” have, without fail in the past…have left her cold, either ripping her/us off in the process or simply not having anything to do with her again.
I want to have peace, I want my wife. But I will not tolerate the bullcrap anymore. Tonight is the night I have my say…six and a half years of loyal marriage and being with her when she went to the hospital, giving my credit to her, expanding myself in my job to suit our needs, everything…she owes me that much.
Re: Tonight Is The Night ... After Her Delays ... tripny2k6: You sound like a pretty good guy as I can tell by your writing you still care about her well-being. That being said, you have given enough. If she is not willing to a tleast appreciate what you have done for her, you should coach yourself into not giving a crap about her anymore. Its hard for us good guys, this I know. But we deserve better my friend. Drugs, another guy, spending your money, you deserve better.
Hang tough!!
-Trip
Re: Tonight Is The Night ... After Her Delays ... ron1973: Thank you for that and your understanding.
She just needs to realize that she isn't a teenager anymore. There will be consequences for her erratic, self-serving and short-sighted behavior.
[quote author=Trip link=topic=43067.msg494099#msg494099 date=1175796287">
You sound like a pretty good guy as I can tell by your writing you still care about her well-being. That being said, you have given enough. If she is not willing to a tleast appreciate what you have done for her, you should coach yourself into not giving a crap about her anymore. Its hard for us good guys, this I know. But we deserve better my friend. Drugs, another guy, spending your money, you deserve better.
Hang tough!!
-Trip
[/quote">
Re: Tonight Is The Night ... After Her Delays ... tripny2k6: And those are consequences she may never see. However, this is your life, take control of it.
Re: Tonight Is The Night ... After Her Delays ... alonewith2: It's hard to get those type of people to see thier self destruction. Do what you can, and then move on. This may be a case where she needs to fall flat on her face in order to realize what's apparent to everyone else. She may need to do it on her own in order to learn from it.
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