Re: Games or second-thoughts? hcw2815: kellbelle--you r story sounds like mine. i canhged alot during my marriage in attempts to make someone else happy. my husband is someone who cannot be happy. he is a talented and smart man but because of his issues has never really accomplished much which is really unfortunate. he would ask for one thing and i'd give it to him, but then he'd still be unsatisfied. he'd tell me " if you just lose weight things will get better in our marriage. WTF? but i'll admit, i did and of course things did not get better and he still found something else to critcize me about or be unhappy with. i realize that he will never be happy and instead of trying to make him happy and take care of him, i have to start taking care of myself.
but i live for the dream too. i am not looking forward to christmas this year because i know my husband will not be there and i worry about how that will affect our son. i worry if i am being selfish by walking away from a painful relationship and trying to concentrate on me.
it seems like you realize what is best for yoy and your children. sometimes relationships consume us and we lose ourselves in them. seems like you're finding yourself again. good for you :)
[quote author=kelbelleplus1 link=topic=43068.msg494136#msg494136 date=1175799123">
[quote author=Wishing for Impossible Things link=topic=43068.msg494133#msg494133 date=1175798666">
but I realized she made ME miserable..even though it still hurts a little, I'm so much better off emotionally without her.
[/quote">
Thats it really. The realization that we are better off without them. I feel like I am me again, and only now realize how much I changed in those 7 years to accommodate the relationship.
But as I have revealed in previous posts, I am sucker for the dream. The dream that my kids will wake up on Christmas morning waking up mommy and daddy in bed... I just feel so frustrated that the dream is not gonna happen for them. Sure, they will join the other 50% of kids who are from divorced homes, but thats not the pretense they were conceived under.
[/quote">
Re: Games or second-thoughts? Percy123: Thats it really. The realization that we are better off without them. I feel like I am me again, and only now realize how much I changed in those 7 years to accommodate the relationship.
But as I have revealed in previous posts, I am sucker for the dream. The dream that my kids will wake up on Christmas morning waking up mommy and daddy in bed...
I could have said it better myself. This is my life. For these types nothing satisfies the hole in them. I look back and I was always happy. Even when it sucked there was a joy in it. The cross hairs travel around and find their targets. Sooner or later you find them placed on you. Once you are gone they realize you weren't the reason either.
My ex married right afterward....Baby came within a year or so. I know well enough that each of these things is another step in the pattern. I am guessing (call it a long shot) she is still unhappy.
Re: Games or second-thoughts? flipflopnomore: I could have said it better myself. This is my life. For these types nothing satisfies the hole in them. I look back and I was always happy. Even when it sucked there was a joy in it. The cross hairs travel around and find their targets. Sooner or later you find them placed on you. Once you are gone they realize you weren't the reason either.
This was excellent and my life as well. My ex was forever unhappy. Always down. He was like this when I married him but seemed to blame me for his unhappiness and it was targeted at me. Life was hell, but I always tried to remain happy and up which seemed to piss him off all the more. Now he says hes completely miserable.
Re: Games or second-thoughts? kelbelleplus1: Well I found out that he totally doesn't want us back... but wants to keep the friendship. Found out via an email he sent me after spending the day together on Saturday... and saying it proved what good friends we could be.
I get a lump in my throat all of a sudden because I guess I was clinging to the thought that he might have missed us. I hate that he wants to be so damn amicable and walk away like the last 7 years meant nothing.
A part of me wants to tell him something, anything to make him know that its taking alot of hard work for me to put my feeling aside to remain his friend. But then I don't even want him to see cracks in my facade.
Ugh... how can a nice email shatter a day?!
Re: Games or second-thoughts? gns: I know that must be terribly painful. I read back to your earlier post on this thread and you mentioned that part of you thought it was for the best b/c of many betrayals. Maybe it would be helpful to focus on the ways YOU were unsatisfied in this relationship.
Feel free to PM if you like.
