I need a remedial dating class paddington: I think I just burned out a potential relationship in 2 dates.
Here's how: last Tuesday I went out to dinner with a nice guy who we met online. Talked for hours, tons of banter and physical chemistry. We had such a good time that we agreed to see each other Friday. Another great date - I cooked - it was intense, but not inappropriately so. We both were travelling for business this week and agreed to keep in touch and to see each other this Saturday. We got excited thinking about all the things we could do. Monday we talk on the phone and it is a bit awkward - a bit of small talk and then he mentioned that he wanted to take things very slow. I understood and agreed, but on some level did not know whether he was being mature or just gently blowing me off. I am so insecure that I started responding defensively and the conversation just got weird. The rest of the week we sent little texts - nothing of consequence.
Then today I get am email from him suggesting we switch Saturday to Friday, with no explanation. I answered that I had early plans but could meet him later and asked about the change. He joked that he wanted to see me earlier + free me up for a date with someone else on Saturday. I was hurt, sent a snippy text back and then called him. I tried to explain that while of course we could be flexible with plans, I did not find the reference to freeing me up for someone else funny and if that was what he was doing, he should just be transparent about it. Another awkward conversation ensued where I felt bad for not just going with the flow but feeling that he did not get how being flip in that way could make someone a bit paranoid. We both agreed that it was weird to be having these types of communication issues after 2 dates.
I can't see how things won't be awkward when we see each other.
Am I just very messed up? Maybe this is because I have had major trust issues in my past relationships and I am sensitive to perceived trust breaches.
I like this guy and don't want to blow it but almost can't stop myself from being a human red flag.
Pad....
Re: I need a remedial dating class just_me_detroit: Pad learn from the experience. You can't and shouldn't expect the guy to only be dating you after 2 dates. Trust shouldn't be involved here. Your just starting to date. Get to know him first. Then start a relationship, and ask to be exclusive.
I think you know that already though.
Just relax and don't worry about. Start dating a couple of guys yourself then you worry so much about what they are doing.
Re: I need a remedial dating class paddington: JMD, you are right. I know this. I am just sucky when it comes to multitasking and dating. I find non-exclusivity threatening rather than fun.
I think I scared him away. I know he likes me, but he now thinks (knows) Ikm nuts. Anything I can do or say to him at this point?
Re: I need a remedial dating class Percy123: You are being a giant human red flag.
I have been dating for 4 yrs now. I am picky and that time was sprinkled with 1 year and shorter relationships.
The key is light and fluffy for a while. Don't dive in. You gotta take the time to get to know the person. A little at a time. If you get too deep too fast you might end up with someone you don't want to be with. At this point in my game I am trying to choose very wisely the next one could be for keeps.
I usaully don't expect much until we get intimate. Now is your time to play the field and see what is out there.....Everyone is so different and the more bad dates you go on the more you know what you are really looking for..
Re: I need a remedial dating class Percy123: If you like him, tell him why you are acting the way you are. Be a little vulnereable and tell the truth. Just what you said here.
You have nothing to lose and if you got him scared off already, what could it hurt?
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