'letting go' .... advice needed!! krissi85: Ok, I just want some advice or thoughts.. In advance, sorry about the length!
Basically, a good friend and I were talking about what i'm going through, and we came to the conclusion that i'm really not moving foward, im kinda stuck in that breakup world.. i mean on the outside im normal, to others i prob look fine, but that cant be further from the truth. I still constantly think of him - and wondering if he thinks of me, of our past, of our future.. i still cant even comprehend being with anyone else, and I cry at least once a day. I still even have that hope that one day he'll come back. I'm hurting bad.. all the time.
What my friend said (who reads tons of self help books, so maybe she knows what shes on about!), is that i have to make that conscious choice to let go.. not forget or anything, but let go in the sense that I stop crying over him, I start actually living and enjoying life, stop wondering what hes doing, and basically be in a state of acceptance, and realise hes now in the past, not my future, and I need to be open to possibilities to being with another person. She thinks once i make that choice to do that, I'll stop hurting so much and it will be like a huge weight lifted of my shoulders.
What I wanted to know, is if anyone thinks this is what needs to be done? and has anyone done this? do you literally have to have that mindset to get through this. I'm not sure if what i'm saying makes sense!! but when I think about what she said i realised im so not ready to let go. i want to be ready, but every time i think of doing that i cry, because i dont want to let go of that hope, i dont want to let go of him, i dont want to realise my future holds no place for him, because even though i'm hurting, its the only link i still have to him. does this make sense?? but at the same time, i want to be in the position where i can let go. i want that hope of having love again. how to you get to that stage?? how do you make yourself do that? and how do you do that?! sorry about all the questions, but im so confused. and its been 4months and i think its about time i start healing myself.. but i cant bring myself to 'let go'
also kinda unrelated, i had the biggest urge ive had yet to email my ex. he moved interstate when we broke up and its been no contact (only things to do with our old place).. i was driving along the other day and almost slammed on my breaks and wanted to go straight home to email him.. it struck me that i dont know if hes even alive, i dont know anything about what hes doing, and vice versa. I wanted to ask if he was ok, i wanted to tell him what ive been up to and how our dogs are doing.. i just wanted to know he was out there.. its been a while now, but it still feels strange not to be able to talk to my best friend, even stranger to think that he is no longer my best friend.. it wasnt an angry email i wanted to write, nor did i want to crap on about how much i love him and miss him.. i just wanted something.. and to hear from him. but i know this is a stupid q, but is this wrong? i want to send one, but should i? and has anyone been on the receiving end of an email like that, because I would want to know he wouldnt think bad of me if i did email.
im sorry again for all the questions!! i'm just very confused right now and need some help!! thanks :) hope you all have nice and safe easters
Re: 'letting go' .... advice needed!! Percy123: You have been apart for 4 months. How long were you togehter?
4 months isn't that long to grieve. I think you probably need more time. You do need to put out of your mind the connection. Wondering what he is doing and wanting to be reassured he is all right and vis versa is holding on.
This part has got to stop. You can't break up unless you break up. Maintaining close contact prolongs your pain and I think it does hinder healing. There are mixed camps on the no contact thing but at least while you heal you should attempt this. After time has healed you, if you want to ask how he is, maybe then.....
Re: 'letting go' .... advice needed!! krissi85: thx for the reply percy :)
we were together for almost 4 years, lived together, about to buy a place together, etc.
i realise this is what i need to do, but disconnecting myself from it all.. its hard! i want to heal, i want to get better over time, and i realise i need to take steps in order to do this. just cant bring myself to do that
but i think you're right with the contact thing, while im in the mind frame that im in, prob not the best idea. and if he did reply, it would give me false hope..
Re: 'letting go' .... advice needed!! Percy123: Exactly.....wean ytourself off of this addiction. Resist the desire, it will shrink.
When you feel the need, write a letter to him and delete it. Post another post here somewhere. Just don't keep contacting him and maintaining the bond that doesn't exist anymore.
I know it is so hard. He is your reality for so long but this is the way it is for you and everyone here.
Re: 'letting go' .... advice needed!! PennyLane: Percy is right. You need more time. Your grieving process is on target so to speak. It takes time to let go of those "thinking what they are doing right now" thoughts. And a lot of other thought as far as that goes.
I'm not going to try to put a time table on this for you because everyones situation varies. Please put your thought energy into YOU. Focus as much as you can on bettering yourself and moving forward for you!!!! As hard and difficult as it may be, try and try harder not to wonder what he is doing or thinking. The more you can keep yourself and your mind occupied with other activities, the easier/better you can move forward. Making things easier.
Might sound easier said then done, but I wouldnt dare give you that advice if I didn't know it to work.
Be strong!!!!
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