Re:My son is sleeping at his Dad's for the first time tonight Helena Handbasket: Kimba,
That's great that your son's visit went so well. This is so hard, the part about what the kids are going through.
My daughter is 3 and cries for her daddy occasionally. Her dad doesn't call her, doesn't come and see her when he's got extra time off, doesn't go to her swimming lessons, and doesn't put himself out there at all, for whatever reason. The result is that it hurts our daughter. It's awful! She cries when she comes home from seeing him on his occasional weekends, too. It breaks my heart to listen to her.
I hate what he's doing to her. I have thought so many times, "D would never do this" and then he goes ahead and does it. Now, he's not a regular fixtures in his daughter's life, which I never thought he would let happen. I know it's hard to be a regular fixture in a divorce situation, but I mean he doesn't try to make the weekend visits happen regularly and things like that.
Also, my ex, or stbx any day now, also does some heavy drinking. As far as I know he keeps it to times he's alone, but since he keeps doing things I don't expect, it worries me. I feel like I keep giving him the benefit of the doubt and he keeps proving me wrong.
It's just, leaves me feeling like I have to pick up the pieces, and frankly, I really can't. I can't stop my daughter from feeling that pain. She has to feel it and there's nothing I can do, except hold her and sympathize and tell her how much she's loved, and I do, but I feel it's not enough.
Anyway, just some thoughts. You're not alone, and you're doing a great job to protect your son yet let him see his father when it's safe to do so.
-HH
Re:My son is sleeping at his Dad's for the first time tonight supermom: My heart goes out to you. My husband left us sept 10. The kids spent the night for the first time with him last Friday night. I was a reck. He didn't allow my 5 yr old son to call and say goodnight although he did ask to call me. My poor daughter who is 2 slept with my SBX's sister. It's all so inappropiate, but he never sees it that way. I am also having the same problem with the kids sleeping in my bed. Since the day my husband left my kids have been in my bed. I've tried so many diffrent ways to get them to sleep in their own beds but it never works. So, for now maybe they just need to be close to me. Mommy would never leave them like Daddy did is all I feel like screaming. But, I hold them tight and be thankful for the two blessings that I do have. I don't know if it will ever get easier....
