to my husband recentlydiscarded: When you wake up today, head pounding from the night before, wishing you had passed up a 12-pack of beer and those 6 car-bombs......
When you rub your temples, groaning, and wondering “How did I get home?”, as you feel your pockets for car keys......
When you lay there in bed, middle of the afternoon, staring at the ceiling, as thoughts of us creep into your head......
When you roll over and notice, for the first time in months, that empty pillow, and are reminded of the smell of my hair in the morning.....
When you get an eerie feeling, noticing the only sound in our big empty house, is the light humming of the air conditioner.......
When you sit up, startled, by the faint echos of a little boy’s laughter, and the light buzz of a vacuum as Saturday chores are being done by a devoted wife.......
When you force yourself out of bed, hangover in full effect, and make your way to the bathroom to wash your face.....
When you try hard not to notice, as you pass, that empty bedroom, only a fire-truck ceiling fan remaining......
When you stumble into the kitchen, going straight for the Advil and a glass of water, opening the cabinet, and a Sponge-Bob sippy-cup brings a tear to your eye.....
When you walk across the dark living room, opening the blinds, an empty swing-set staring back at you from outside, the sun glimmering off the spider-webs that have consumed it’s frame....
When you make your way to the closet, searching for something to wear, and you come across a misplaced pink shirt among your many hangers, a flood of good memories rushing to you.....
When you have managed to get yourself ready for another day of freedom, but suddenly feel sad, all alone in a big empty house, once filled with the happiness of two more.....
When you cant fight that sadness, collapse onto the couch, head in your hands, a stream of foreign tears painting your cheeks, a flood of emotions reclaiming that abandoned space in your heart.......
When “Oh God, what have I done?” echos through your head again and again, but the answer never comes to you....
When all at once it hits you like a brick wall, you feel the pain, the loss, the sorrow, the guilt, the remorse, and the regret.......
When you gather the strength, the courage, the sense, and swallow your pride, pick up your phone and dial WIFE.......
When you press SEND, preparing your pleas, rehearsing your apologies, knowing you must admit your biggest mistake, ready to beg for forgiveness.......
When nobody answers, and you still wait, refusing to hang up, the eventual sound of a recording tells of a changed number......
When you realize what you have done, what you’ve lost, what damaged you have instilled, the pain you have caused.....
When you hate yourself for doing this, thinking you would do anything in this world for just one more chance.......
When you finally have feelings again, emotions, values, compassion, and you realize the love you denied was never gone, but hidden away..........
When you feel an once of the pain you have caused the ones that loved you unconditionally, the ones that stood by your side through good times and bad........
When that happens...it may be too late.
Re:to my husband amess: Absolutely beautiful Lins. I'm speechless.
Re:to my husband Bug: Amazing Lins. Truly touches the soul.
Re:to my husband sadinct: I am moved beyond words... and so sorry for for the pain that caused you to write such a beautiful thing.
Re:to my husband trumpy: that was very moving... i have to warn you that when they do call you up sobbing and apologizing over and over again and can't stop crying for more than a few minutes... at first it is a little comforting- reaffirming, but then it doesn't do you much good after all...
i'm glad to hear you are getting where you need to be...
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