Crumbling Dazed: Dearest Ojar Friends,
Today I find myself crumbling. This past week has been very intense. I've accepted the inevitable and found myself even having fun with friends, but today is different. It's as if this past week hadn't happened at all. I'm just miserable, but sick and tired of misery. I know it's all part of the rollercoaster, but I want off! I just want to be happy and strong. I don't even want him in my life anymore, but I miss him horribly. I don't know how to reconcile those two things, so I'm just lonely and scared. I feel like I've used up all my "me time" with my friends and family and have to put on a front for them all. When I woke up this morning, I promised myself that I'd find something to do. Something interesting or fun. But now I'm just stuck. Sitting here feeling sorry for myself and my life. Desperately wanting my old life back, but equally eager to start a new one. I just feel so bottled up, and now that bottle has cracked and leaking.
I'm sorry for the rambling. I just don't know what to do with myself. I WANT TO BE HAPPY!!!
Re:Crumbling Kinney26: I wish I had some wonderful advice to give, but I don't. Just know that you had a decent week and you will again. There is going to be the bad days and we are here for those. I am in the same boat. I know it is over, but a big part of me misses her. I just miss that life. We just have to support each other until that next good day.
We have been thrust into a life we didn't want and now we have to learn to take contol of it instead of letting it take control of us. We'll get through this.
((hugs))
Re:Crumbling Dazed: Thanks, Kin
I don't know that there really is such a thing as "good advice" for these days. I certainly know that I've never been able to give it to others going through what I'm feeling today. Posting (venting) seems to be the only (minimal) relief, but the best part is hearing from all my new friends here on Ojar. I don't know what I'd do without you guys!
Re:Crumbling amess: Dear D, I know, the rollarcoaster is the worst part of it. And the worst part is the feeling that you have no control over it, which we don't. But it ends, it tapers off, to the point where those feelings come up, but not as often. And, you are able to control most of them. If you don't feel like doing anything, don't push yourself. You WILL feel like it in time. Love Greta
Re:Crumbling picadilly: It's so unfortuneate that we have to deel with ups & downs such as this. It's the hardest part, trying to move on & we think we're doing better only to be slammed back.
You had a good week, Bravo. Trust me & I know you've heard it all before, but you will have other good weeks. You will have also a few other bad days... & I like to think that a good week out weighs a bad day. The road to recovering yourself isn't easy, it's long & at times painfull. We do what we can to move on & that is all that can be expected of us.
I always try to keep busy... when I have nothing to do.. I hit the gym... if it's sunny outside, I go jogging or cycling. These not only keep me busy, they keep me in shape. It's always the idea that if I run into my stbx, that I look real good. ;) Give her something maybe to think about? I don't know, but it makes me happy thinking that.
Be well.
Small bump... nothing more, you can do this.
