Re:I don't love him seth: Suddenlysingle,
Well, I totally agree w/ you that adults shouldn't stay in a loveless or unhappy marriage for the sake of their children. However, the research to date indicates that children suffer more from divorce than from "loveless marriages" so parents should never justify their decisions by saying they're doing it for the kids sake....
Be honest that you're doing it for YOUR sake, not for the kids.... But I do agree w/ you on the overall decision if they're both in agreement that they don't love each other....
Re:I don't love him Shanna: "loveless marriage" is different from a hostile home and that is what we ended up with after he cheated so staying for the kids would have been more damaging.
Love wasn't our problem...him having another woman was.
Re:I don't love him seth: Ewwww. I agree. When my parents' last child was born (they have six) my father had a few drinks and convivially confided in me that he had never cheated on my mother.
A really good example, but jesus too much information about my parents!
Yeah, a kid seeing his father or mother cheating would be very damaging, I quite agree. It's like cheating on the kid too.
Re:I don't love him seth: Speaking of infidelity. I just found out that my ex might have cheated on me five years ago. Even though I'm mostly over her and that was a long time ago, I got hit right in the gut and started crying....
I hate cheaters.... That's why they call it "cheating"--if you knew the other person was getting some on the side then that would be the deal breaker.... You'd either leave or think about something else for yourself....
Re:I don't love him sadinct: I agree whle heartedly- cheaters are the worst!!!How can you ever trust someone who breaks their marriage vows, which they were supposed to honor forever, through thick and thin. Cheating on your spouse IS cheating on your family- damaging to everyone.
I don't quite know how to weigh in on the "staying for the sake of the kids" issue. My prents divorced when I was 7 and life was never the same again. I don't know what would have happened if they said together, but I know that I was screwed up as a kid and some of that carried over into adulthood. That's why my marriage means so much to me and why I'll do everything I can to hold it together.
Staying in a loveless relationship where no one's happy.. I've been told recently it's not the thing to do either. Try everything to re-kindle what once was, things that hold good memories and bring good feelings. If all attempts fail, it might be time to call it a game. I just hate to acknoledge the passing of something that was once so good.
I wish you well, no matter what choice you make. You deserve to be happy, and your kids will benefit from it as well.
Doug
