Re:still trying- am I a chump? picadilly: Sadinct,
It's hard to not want to do everything in your power to make her happy but if she's not happy with you right now & she is not willing to tell you how to change what she doesn't like about you, the more you do things like this, the more she'll sneer at them. For all you know, she looks at all that you're doing as a show of weakness & how much you're not the man she once loved. Now I'm not sure on how you were before all this mess, maybe I'm totally off. I'm not saying a man cooking is weak, hell I took cooking courses after she left, but I am saying that it sounds like your Kow-tow'ing to her every whim & that is just wrong.
Not good for you're self esteme & she may not like it. After all, if something is too easy, why would you want to do it? Remember that she isn't being moved with you now... maybe if you did less for her, she may appreciate what you used to do.
Be well.
Re:still trying- am I a chump? fisherman: Sadinct,
you're doing what every woman would love for their husband to do...
She hasn't left right? She's blaming you for all of her problems, telling herself lies and beleiving them... She thinks you are the problem - she will realize that you are not, and THEN all of those dinners and the attentiveness will not be lost.
Have you confronted her yet? Do you have the info you need? There is a part of her that doesn't respect you due to the fact that you're trying so hard. She sees herself as a confident attractive woman, and you as a week little man attending to her every need while she keeps her man on the side. Has a bit of a Cosmo flair to it huh?
What she doesn't realize (yet) is that she is making a huge mistake. She has emotionally detached from you - and hopefully you guys will be able to restore the connection. It took me "cutting my losses" to get the message through loud and clear. I did my time, and when the iron was hot I struck it - and I did every single thing I could to burn the bridge between my wife and I. I didn't want to deal with the possiblility of reconciliation. Lot of good that did me huh?
Just hang in there and tend the line until it's time to set the hook. She will have a whole picture of the empowered you when you put her on the street for a few weeks :)
One quick note - make sure you are keeping a journal of every little thing. I did mine on a calendar and just took little notes for each day. Then once a week went through and put it into a text document.
Re:still trying- am I a chump? sadinct: Thanks, Picadilly-
I guess prehaps you're right. I wish she talked in her sleep or something, I'd love to know what the hell she expects...
I always cooked, etc. she always went out and about on the crusade of the week or with friends. Home was always a great place for her to come home to. She said once durring Pre-Canna classes that I was stable and always there when she needed me... (if that offers any insight).
I feel like I'm still me, and she's a totally different person. The thing that kills me is that I think if she would just put a little effort into us we could re-establish ourselves and begin building good memories again instead of the bad ones we continue to build. The problem is that she has to try, and has no interest.
Thanks again-
Doug
Re:still trying- am I a chump? Shanna: Once my stbx had his eyes on the OW even before he actually cheated physically, he started blowing my faults (yes I have a few) out of proportion to make what he was considering doing seem okay. To jusitfy his actions he has made me into some monster. I cannot wait untii you can confront her...how much longer? You will see more of who she has become then. I did what you are doing...I even tried something new in bed that he had been wanting trying my hardest to pleasehim and he still cheated and still turned in to the monster he is now. You won't win her back buy lowering your head and taking the abuse.
Re:still trying- am I a chump? sadinct: Sadly, I'm sill trying to convince myself this is all true. Gathering info takes a lot of time and patience (and I'm going crazy, so I don't have much). She seems to have curtailed her activities, though her cell sill shows a lot of traffic.
Saturday before last, in a bit of a drunken haze, she cried all through the movie we were watching (which was a comedy) and spoke about how sorry she was to have hurt others over her life (citing an old boyfriend.. whf- I don't want to hear about that!!). That was the night of the phone call she lied about, which led me here in desperation. I'm begining to think she broke it off and felt bad about the bastards feelings. I don't feel bad for him, I'm still fighting the urge to properly reward him for his efforts.
as far as trying anything new- there's a three foot no-fly zone in the center of our bed... not good..
Thanks Shanna
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