Re:Why do I still care? amess: There doesn't need to be a polarity applied to feelings about ex's. It doesn't have to be black and white, I love or hate. And it's ok, maybe even preferable to care about them because they are a human being. But to care about them much more than that, to worry, to be stuck in the hoping, is a part of the letting go. It's just that you aren't able to let go yet. That's ok, you will when you are ready, you don't need to push yourself. However, if staying stuck in the letting go stage is prolonging your healing, than there are steps you can and must take to move on.
Re:Why do I still care? Tantan: I feel the same way, constantly concerned about him and stil loving him no matter what, I think its amazing to be able to still care after everything he has done but at what point is it personally destructive ?? Does anyone know any good steps to take in order to let go?
I definitly can relate to how you feel steph, im in the same boat but I want to know how to begin to take the steps to let go now. He has OW to take care of him, he shouldnt need me and i want to stop feeling like I should be.
Re:Why do I still care? Steph1973: Tan-
I'm right there with ya - I want to let go of him so badly. But my biggest fear is that if I let go, he won't be okay. Is that crazy or what? I know that my ex also has his OW to look after him now and he "supposedly" doesn't need me anymore but I can't help feeling like she doesn't know how to take care of him like I do.
I did end up writing the letters for him and sending them out. I guess I just keep playing right in to his hands every time because I usually do what he asks. It would be nice if there was a magic pill or formula but I know that the only thing that will make it better is time. I saw someone mention on her that it will take either half of the time you were together (for me that's 6 1/2 yrs) or 3-5 years to get over an ex. Ugh, such a long time. Why can't this be easy?
Re:Why do I still care? cvictory: i just posted something like this on the other page, but this is something that i've been trying to cope with since my stbx left me. all i can think about is all the different things she's doing now and how she seems to be this "free" person now, as if i was holding her back. it's just so hard to think that these are things that i'm excited for her about and i can't be a part of it. i want so badly for her to walk in the door and tell me how much she wants this all to work out and how wonderful our lives will be now that she's a happy person.
that will never happen, however. in fact, she's coming over tonight and i'm going to drop the official "separation agreement" bomb on her. not sure if she has a lawyer or knows how it works, but maybe some reality will set in when she sees what she's gotten herself into. life isn't all roses when you pack up and move out, without so much as a second thought.
Re:Why do I still care? Kntno: Steph,
First, you (we) care because your human. It hurts I know. I care about my ex and worry about her. But some of the best advice I have been given is that everyone has to walk their own path.
I can't live my ex's life for her anymore than you can live your ex's. Doesn't mean we don't care but it does mean they have to solve their own problems.
Steph, your still in the phase of letting go (so am I). You have to live your life. Stop worrying about him, he made his choices. You have to focus on Steph now.
You have feelings that you want him back (as do I for mine). But do we really want them back? Are we just afraid of being alone? Do you really want that relationship back?
I know it hurts now but I'm told in time we'll be ok (Mine's only really been 1 month).
Steph, you'll meet someone that will appreciate you and love you. You can do better than him. Believe in yourself. You are much better off.
Walk your path and be strong ok? It's ok to care. It's admirable but you can't save him from his choices. He has to learn on his own as we all do.
(Oh by the way, our chief weapons are fear and surprise)
Click More for the next page.
