strange days.. any tips? sadinct: As I've posted elsewhere- things are rather difficult right now. Not able to proceed just yet... but I don't know how to handle things in the mean time.
We talk very little, she's all but stopped eating, drinks wine frequently and is usually, no always very sad. She will talk to me about the most mundane of subjects at home, but when she's out, she won't talk at all. If I call her cell or office, I get "Will have to call you back".. she usually does not. Instant messenger messages are usually brief one word answers or direct questions not answered once the response is given.
How the heck are we supposed to work on anything if she won't talk to me???? Granted, contact durring the day may be inconvient, and I am not the greatest conversationalist.. and she dosn't know that I'm on to things she's been up to.. How can you get someone to talk to you if they have disconnected like this?
I'm just at my witts end, tired, frusterated and hurt.
thanks-
Doug
Re:strange days.. any tips? RecoveringinDE: Not sure how you feel about this, but, maybe back off a bit? Don't call her. Don't initiate conversations. If she is the one that started all this, let her come to you. Or, just flat out tell her that you know what she has been up to and the ball is in her court.
Might not be the best of advice, but, there it is. Some people just need that strong push.
RiDE
Re:strange days.. any tips? althebrokenman: Hey Sadinct
This may not be waht you want to hear but run away as fast as you can. You can read my first post (3 or 4 pg back) and see that I went through something very similar. That being said, if you are trying your best and there is not much reciprication then just run very fast and very far away. I say this so that you lessen the devestation which is inevitable. During my reconcilliation period with my ex, I was a prince, I took her on a vacation, I bought furniture, took her to the restaurant, talked, loved her, I just about stood up on my head and juggled balls with my toes. All this got me was a dear John letter and she just went from our house into the o/m's house. This is probably not what you want to hear but from my experience, this is all I can provide. No happy endings hear just happy beginnings.
Good luck and be strong
Re:strange days.. any tips? sadinct: recovering-
Just affraid that if I leave too much space it will be seen as not carring enough. I guess it is impossible to tell.. I've already backed off so much, and the distance between us is so great when we're together.
Al-
I know what you mean, and I've done just what you describe. Sometimes I think it would be easier to be done and let my kids and I start healing, and then I'm ashamed to be thinking of taking the easy way.
just wondered if there was a secret password I didn't learn....
Thanks-
Doug
Re:strange days.. any tips? whathef?: When the time comes, a simple "I love you, I care about you and want to work on saving the marriage.
I did not force you to marry me and cannot force you to remain married.
If you feel you want to work on this marriage, let me know. You now know where I stand."
She will then know where you stand on the marriage and how you feel.
No need to repeat it over and over.
Let her hang herslef and when the affair stops, she'll want back.
then it depends on your feelings whether that would be possible.
Usually, a person in your sitch has changed his mind by then and it's too late for the 'walkaway'.
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