Re: we had the talk justmenow: I wish I could download something for you to take the pain away, but I can't. Wow - I remember that feeling so well. Rejection, fear, overwhelm, dread, spinning out of control, living from hour to hour. Things will fall into place, just take things one task at a time and don't try to accomplish too much at once. Your life will improve in a matter of months, so just hang in there, ok? Someday soon you'll be the one sitting here telling someone else that they are going to survive and that they will be stronger and wiser for the experience.
My prayers go out for you in this very difficult time.
Re: we had the talk Fresca: I too, wish I could do something to take the pain away! My ex, blinded by his lower-extremities fascination with a 21 year old chickie babe ::), also decided our 14 year relationship, 12 years married, just wasn't worth the effort any longer. >:(
I was devastated. But, somehow, I crawled through despite everything that was real in my world crashed around my head. One thought that really gave me enough strength and confidence to continue putting one foot in front of the other on the journey was this -
Think back on all the crises and decisions you've had to make or deal with in your life. I think every one of us have had difficult decisions, or have had bad or unpleasant things we felt couldn't be overcome, occur in our lives before the big D raised it's ugly head. In every one of my own prior incidents, some of which, at the time, I couldn't imagine making it through in one piece, I somehow found the strngth to survive and deal with it. I'm still here to tell the tale, even though at those times I felt I just wouldn't be able to cope. Even though I felt so weak and helpless, I knew I had navigated rough waters before, and came out on the other side. I would do so again. I would 'deal with it' like I had in the past, like I'm sure I will in the future.
I did.
You will too - you will find that hidden well of strength in yourself that you may have forgotten about. It's hard to see just now, but you will be OK.
-fran
Re: we had the talk atd74: inebr,
I am so sorry it has come to this, really. I feel for you. However, you will survive this and don't beat yourself up - I know that's not so easy not to do - I did it for a long time before I finally filed. I gave up because I could do no more and I was emotionally spent. I realized in the end though that it wasn't me - it was my ex.
Eventually you will get to that place where you will be confident within yourself knowing you did all you could and that you are a good person. If you overanalyze you will drive yourself nuts. You will get to a point where you cannot rehash things anymore because its not worth it. You'll realize you have a lifetime waiting out there to be lived and eventually there will be someone new who deserves you and whom you deserve.
Hang in there... it does get better!
Re: we had the talk inebr: Thanks for the responses.
I'll take it a moment at a time. Fresca, thanks for sharing how you got through it. Actually, the time in my life where I pulled this strength out of what felt like absolutely nowhere was when I was abroad and my stbx began talking about wanting a divorce. I was so far away and there was nothing I could do, as well as being far from support and in a foreign culture. I had tons of work to do and had to function fully each day. So, every morning I would get up and do what I had to do to get through it with a smile (oftentimes not so sincere). And many evenings I would stay in the office late into the evening and cry when no one was around and on my way home. I had some friends there but the weight of it all and the uncertainty of it at the time kept me from reaching out very much. I know I didn't have as much 'fun' during my time abroad as I could've had if this weren't all happening at the time, but nonetheless it was a very good time, because of my work and the foreign experience but mostly because of this strength I learned about that lived right inside of me. I was successful in what I needed to do and kept my life reasonably balanced and myself pretty healthy, all on my own. I guess I can look at that time as a big part of processing the grief of this breakup...
Re: we had the talk achingallover: HUG HUG HUG!!!! :-/ :-/
Ugh, I so know where you are at. I am sure you are completely overwhelmed - feels like the floor has been pulled out from beneath your feet! My favote image of how I feel in all of this is - you know those teething toys that babies have that are filled with water and then sometimes have sparkly specks floating around in them? Well, that's what I have felt like - except not so sparkly! Like, where are the walls - where is the floor!? Horrible feeling. I hope I never have to feel this way again.
what am I going to DO-
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!! TAke everything very very slowly. Like, second by second. Don't think so much on how you are going to explain this to your family. Right now, stay with you. Stay as grounded as you can by being in the moment. This is the hardest thing, I realize, but the logistics of the other stuff will get worked out in time. REally. Keep coming here. Call your support people WHENEVER you need them. Talk about how you feel. Cry like the dickens. Journal your emotions. But above all ....slow waaaaay down. Turtle pace.
Take care of yourself Inebr. E me if you need! :-/
steph
