Hard to let go after 11 years. Dailus: Hello I am a 34 year old man that left his wife 7 weeks ago. We were married 10 years and together 11 and it sure was a rocky road. Wife was is wonderful woman( not perfect, but still wonderful) and I was not very good to her over the past 7 years or so yet she stuck by me with the exception of one 5 month separation. She out up with my abusive drinking, two DUI's, and two short affairs. Yet it was me that in the end was unhappy. The last two years we stopped talking, stopped having sex and became more like room mates than husband and wife. Things were not bad, just not good... not anything. Fast forward to 7 weeks a ago.
I had considered leaving for awhile, but in truth I was a afraid. Then Ginger enters my life. Ginger is a woman I have know for 6 years through work. We never had any romantic contact not even really a friendship, yet she calls me one night and reviels to me that she has had a crush on me from the moment she saw me. I jumped at the chance. I began seeing Ginger ( not sleeping with her). Weeks go by and I take the plunge I spend the nigfht with her, tell my wife and move out. Now this is where it gets messy. I spend 3 great weeks with Ginger only to tell her i need a little space and begin talking to my wife, A week later I break it off with Ginger and spent the weekend with my wife, the sex was incredible i felt like we were reconecting, then doubt sets in again. Sunday evening I tell myt wife i cannot do this and called ginger. Two more weeks go by my wife is calling me I am calling her, and I am with Ginger. I can't take the stirring up of emtions I break it off with Ginger and spend another week end with my wife. I tell her of evry wrong I did ( 3 more affairs she didn't know about) she says she still loves we and wants to get back together and that we need counceling. Yet i cannot stop thinking about Ginger i know that is wrong I know that its unfair to both of them, but i tell my wife once again its over and call Ginger.
I was so affraid we would repete the mistakes of the past. My wife is 10 years older than me and has gained over 100 lbs. i was so afraid I would end up with a woman that was stuck in a scooter instead of being active with me. It is so hard to let go even though i am the leaver! I cannot believe either of these women want anything to do with me after the past 7 weeks of hell i put them through. I am so terribly confused and filled with guilt over my behavior. How do i finally let go and move on if i change my mind about what I want every two weeks? Plz someone post something, anything to help me clear my mind.
-Dailus
Re: Hard to let go after 11 years. qmambo: I think that you are being extremely selfish and unkind. my ex put me through hell with his selfishness and what your poor wife mustbe going through i have no idea, you admittance of your bad behaviour you wife should have left you a long time ago by the sounds of it. You seem to be flip flopping between lives and women. I find it incredible you have that option to be honest. It sounds to me like you should be on your own to sort through your issues and let your poor wife have a chance to rebuild her life and self esteem
Re: Hard to let go after 11 years. Dailus: I know. I agree with you that I have been both selfish and unkind. I never really thought of myself as that kind of person and it is hard to come to grips with the fact that I am. I pray that this time my wife with not call me. Honestly I want to move on, but talking to her stirs up all kinds of feelings. I feel like I am living two lives and the guilt that comes with that is nearly unbareable. I know its selfish, but its ver hard for me to draw the line with two woman persuing me (god knows why). Maybe this forum would me better suited for my wife than me, but honestly I do not know what to do or who to talk to.
-Dailus
Re: Hard to let go after 11 years. leigh: You don't have to look too hard on here to see what you're doing to your wife. You need to make a decision, either be with your wife and WORK on your marriage or leave her the hell alone so she can start moving forward with her life. You're not doing anyone any favors by going back and forth. As for you, you probably need to stop seeing this other woman even if you end it with your wife. Get some therapy and find out how you could be so cold hearted and selfish.
Re: Hard to let go after 11 years. qmambo: my advice to you, is stay on here when you need to talk or vent but do not under any circumstances take your wifes calls or texts, ignore them chnage your number do whatever it takes if you really are serious about not wanting to hurt her anymore than you have - give her a fighting chance to get over you and rebuild a new life for herself. You have the power to help her now - cruel to be kind.
Stop being selfish as you wontget much sympathy here, this place is full of people just life your wife and i am one
i hope you do something good and if you do it will make you feel good about yourself as it sounds like you dont love yourself very much and you should start working on that
