What do I say to my daughter? iharsell: I just posted a message on the "Tell Your Story Here"..... But in short - my husband left me last Thursday. I have no idea what, where he is, what is going on...etc. I have been left in the dark besides very limited information I have received from his mother. I have also learned within the past week of him being gone - that I am pregnant. This unfortunately is also not a totally happy thing... as I have "female issues" and it makes it a very High Risk Pregnancy for me....
However - I also have an 8yr old daughter. My husband is not her biological father - however she has been with him since she was 3. To her... this is her daddy... this is someone she truly loves and adores... He he has done the same with her.... During this past week she has been away on vacation. Tonight she returns home. This is one of the bumps in the road I have NOT been looking foward too.
What do I tell my daughter when I dont have any answers myself? How do I explain whats going on without her feeling worried like I do? Do I tell her I am pregnant with knowing that I also have a high chance of losing the baby in the first 3 months?
Any opinions, ideas, thoughts would be very much appreciated. I am at loss at where to even begin...
[glow=red,2,300"> Thank you....[/glow">
Re: What do I say to my daughter? scrag73: It is a tough one for you here. I know how you feel, my stbxw has been the mother to my daughter since she was 3, she's now 10, and has just told me that she wants nothing to do with her anymore. I was talked out of telling her straight away in case my x changes her mind but if she starts asking questions I have told my x I won't lie to her.
Your situation is a bit tougher in that your daughter is on her way home and knows nothing of a split at all at the moment. The way that I was going to deal with it when I get the questions is to try not to blame my x, I don't want to alienate my daughter from her with my opinions, I want her to make her own decisions with the facts I can give her.
This is what I think is the most important thing to say. Be honest, tell her you don't really know what is going on at the moment and tell her that her Dad doesn't really know what he wants at the moment but he has made this decision at the moment.
Little steps, honest truth and lots of love is how I have coped with trying to help my daughter through this heartache. I wish you luck with your daughter and I really feel for you right now. Take care.
Re: What do I say to my daughter? Sully: I would not tell her about the pregnancy until you are at least 3 months along. No point in stressing her more.
As for what to tell your daughter....my kids were smaller (1 & 2), I told the oldest that we were living with Ow and Papa (grandparents) for a while. He asked about Daddy and I said something about he had to work still and was going to keep living in GA.
I would probably say something like about him needing a break. Going to spend some time at his mom's house. IF he decides to end it then you can tell her more about him livign somewhere else and so on.
Less is more. If you don't tell her enough she will ask questions. Only tell her what she is old enough to ask questions about.
Re: What do I say to my daughter? itsallovernow: When the xw left, I didn't say anything about where mom was. My 6 year old noticed what was happening at his own pace. Make sure she know's that she can talk to you about anything and everything at any time. Concentrate all your emotion on helping her to be alright. I'm very sorry, take care of yourself.
Re: What do I say to my daughter? superwife: First of all, regardless of the situation with your husband, I would not tell my eight yr old daughter I am pregnant until I knew I was out of the woods, as far as medical complications (and the reality of that is that you never truly are, but I'd wait a while), especially given your medical problems.
Secondly, you mentioned 'limited information'. Of course this is something you probably should no share with your daughter either. It is likely that it wouldn't soften the blow for her either way. Even if you knew it was, say, another woman, what would you tell her? I haven't read your 'story' yet, but you saw nothing peculiar going on? No arguing? No 'extra time at work' or 'out with the guys'? While i maintain that my ex's leaving came out of left field, in hindsight, there were red flags. What did he say when he left? (I'm gonna read your story after I finish this). You have to know something. But whatever it is, the generic answer for your daughter should be something along the lines of 'daddy and I have not been getting along lately, so we decided to spend some time apart. At 8, she has to know that this happens with moms and dads, and probably knows the concept of divorce.
Just out of curiosity, does she know that he is not her bio dad?
