Waiting for an answer..... iharsell: Yesterday makes a week that my husband up and "disappeared". I found out last night through his mother that he is supposed to call me and talk Sunday. I find myself sitting here wondering what am I going to say to him. Considering I am feeling very mixed emotions of anger, sadness, betrayal...etc. It really puts a lot out there for me to think about. I feel that we have a lot of reasons to try and make our marriage work the main 2 are a baby on the way and my daughter who treats him as her father. I know that I love him with all my heart.. but at the same time I do not know or understand why he left. The only information I have received from his mother is he left because he wasnt "happy". what???? I am sorry but in my opinion you just DONT walk out of your families life just because your "not happy". And if this IS the real reason why he left - what does that leave me to think and feel? He has never been an open person when it comes to communication. So if there is something he is not happy about I wouldnt know. Through all the years of trying he just doesnt open up. He is too worried about making everyone else happy. But do I just let our relationship end because he is not happy? Or do I try to fight for it?
I know that I am ready to give up on us. I do want to try and make it work... but if someone is not happy... do you just let them go? Or do you keep trying?
Re: Waiting for an answer..... superwife: It depends on why he's not happy. My ex was 'not happy', but he had already found someone who made him happy. He did not give me the opportunity to make him happy. he made up his mind long before he left me.
I am not saying you should not even try. But I'm guessing that his inability to open up and communicate will be a huge obstacle in trying to reconcile.
What else has his mom told you? Does she know you are pregnant? Does she seem to know more than she is letting on to? Does she seem bothered by you talking to her?
Re: Waiting for an answer..... scrag73: I know this sounds hard, it is not intended to be but at the moment you need to accept that your husband has made this decision and at the present moment in time your marriage is over.
Once you do this you will start to see things a little more clearly and will be able to make better decisions.
When your husband rings you don't need to say anything to him at first. He is ringing you, see what he wants to say first. There may well be a chance for you to reconcile but it will require him communicating to you what the problems are. If he doesn't start opening up then how can you move on together?
Above all you need to try not to get drawn into arguing. This will only make communication harder and if he finds it difficult already he will just not try.
In the early stages of a break up I will always say there is some hope that things can be sorted out but it is a difficult process and doesn't always work but IMHO it is worth trying otherwise you will always think "what if?"
Re: Waiting for an answer..... Sassy: We seem to be kindred sisters in a sense. My husband left me two months ago. This has happened once before but we thought perhaps it was the stress of work and the new move. But it happened again. He opened up to me before he left and I realized that he suffers from depression. He was feeling sucidal and he tried to explain his feelings. He told me that if he knew himself (like he was someone he met) that he wouldn't be friends with himself. No matter how many times I would tell him that he was a great man with a beautiful soul he couldn't feel that way himself. I started to realize some of his triggers. When things are going really good he would start to feel like he didn't deserve it and was unworthy of it. We moved and he found a job and was promoted quickly and things were looking up so he up and left in the middle of the night to return to his home state. He stayed with his mother and about after a month or so he returned home. He found another job and recently was promoted again rather quickly, was asked to head up the safty team and got a good pay raise. We even bought a new house and talked of having another child but then he started to withdraw. This time he opened up about his feelings but it wasn't enough. I think opening up to me about past issues and how he was feeling now just sent him deeper into depression. I tried to talk him into getting help but it was to late and again he left. He's returned back to his home state and is living with his mother. She won't get him help, she won't even talk to him about his feelings. She just tells me that he's so sad but he refused to talk to me. He has sent me a couple of emails stating that he's so torn up inside and why would he leave the only woman he's ever loved and he just wishes that something, anything would make sense to him. Nothing will until he gets help and there is nothing I can do except survive.
It doesn't make sense to us (if this in fact what your husband is dealing with). I had a friend who suffered from depression and now gets help with it but she explained that when you are feeling that way you make decisions that aren't based in reality. I just wanted you to know that there is someone else out there and knows what you are going thru and what you are feeling. Even though I finally have a name to put to my husbands behavior it doesn't help the range of emotions I feel. One day I'm ready to call it quits and never look back but I love him so much and no matter how many other emotions I have that's always underneath it. But I have learned that I can't take him back unless he gets help. I can't allow him to come back and later when things are going good again to split and rip apart my life and the lives of my girls. Right now the only thing that helps me get thru this is knowing that he has never cheated on me and isn't now. He's just so locked up inside of himself and can't find his way out of the darkness.
When you talk to your husband you need to listen to what he is saying about why he was unhappy and if you believe it is depression then he needs help or it can happen again or worse. Then you have to figure out if this is something you can support him in. But even if it isn't depression then some kind of counseling is needed.
Hugs to you and I hope things can be resolved one way or another. The waiting is horrible, I know.
Re: Waiting for an answer..... Still believing: Hear him out. Of course we want to please the person we love, but know that it is not our responsibility to make anyone happy. Sometimes no matter what we do -- they aren't happy. Hear what he has to say. I know waiting is hard -- but I've found that time is our best friend. Time reveals the truth.
