Cheater ready for his stoning, maybe (Long) cop501: I've been reading this site for over a year, but only posting for the last few days.I wasn't going to tell my story, but I feel with the whole cheating thing going on tonight I wanted to.
I will try to be brief, but also have to get my point across. I married the sweetest, sexiest and most perfect girl in the world. We had are problems like any other couple but nothing
unusual. After my first son she began taking anti-depressants. She continued to take them but after the birth of my second son started taking codeine. Her mood swings were horrible. When she would run out she would kick me out of the house fights that would last for weeks. She was doctor shopping for it and ultimately ended with her in a rehab. I was there and held her hand went to her counseling sessions and tried my best to get her through it. 1year later she started taking it again, denied it for years but I could tell. Finally after throwing me out of the house I came home to find he on the basement floor crying and saying "I love you I don’t know how I can treat you like this, im taking codeine again". I was there again and held her hand and told her all would be OK. She never took it again.
Instead she started drinking wine all afternoon, then took a drug called Seroquel (Heavily sedating antipsychotic drug) around 7pm and would pass out. I work until 4am and would see all the evidence of two kids who put themselves to bed. Or I would find her hallucinating when I walked in the bedroom. I also found out from my oldest son (12YRS) That he came downstairs one night and she was naked on the chair passed out with a plate of food spilled on her. He took a washcloth and cleaned his naked mother up. Because he knew I would be mad. We were on the boat one time and she took some valium while she was drinking. Thank god I turned around and found my the 2year old crawling on the sunbathing platform with hre passed out. For two years I wrote her letters, tried to talk to her, and tried to video her. She denied anything was wrong saying "I've never been happier - big f**king deal I have a few glasses of wine and take a sleeping pill”. She was also on Effexor.
I worked two jobs and she was a stay at home mom. My one son has a kidney disease. Hes not sickly by any means but requires a lot of meds and some hospital stays. I know this is was stressful for her. But because of the codeine, anti-depressants and alcohol my house was falling apart. I felt as if I had 3 kids. I tried to tell her that the anti-depressants and pills were f**king her up. She refused to see it. (CONTINUED)
Re:Cheater ready for his stoning, maybe (Long) cop501: 6 Months prior to the below event I met my high school girlfriend again and we began talking on the net. Just friends at first ,but I developed feelings for her. Just to talk to normal woman felt so good. I would hear her talk to her kids while we were on the phone. She’d tell me about the activities she was going to do with the kids. None of which included getting drunk in the afternoon. Although I knew it was wrong I continued. I wanted my wife to be like that so bad. And I knew she could if she would only get help. I continued this online affair and had a few meetings with her for six months.
I April of 2003 she was again kicking me out of the house, telling me she hated me. This was going on for about a week and I was just waiting for her to come crashing down again. But I couldn’t take it any more
Then I told her… I said that I was in love with someone else and that if she didn’t get help I wanted a divorce. She started talking normal and made the statement “You cheated on me with her and I cheated on you with pills and alcohol”. I thought great she’s finally going to get treatment.
Im going to start going real fast here because this is getting way to long- Here’s the last 1 ½ years of my life.
She got a job as a bartender (That’s like putting a pyromaniac in charge of the matches)
She met a guy during her first week. Left me and my two kids and moved in with him. She went as long as 8 days without even calling the kids. And only seeing them once a month. My son relapsed a week after she left and was hospitalized for his kidney disease, she never called or inquired about his health. Sheleft in August (03), on my youngest son birthday, for Italy for three weeks and never called.
October (03) wanted her family back, I let her move back in. Found her a shrink and went with her. Told the kids how sorry she was and that she would never leave again. 4 weeks later she left on a Friday came back on Sunday, packed up her shit and left without a word to the kids.
I gave her every option even at the courthouse steps to stop this and get help. She gave me everything the house, pension, custody and pays me child support.
In June of this year she told me the guy she left us for is an alcoholic and she had to get away. I co-signed for an apartment up the street so she could be close to the kids. I gave her furniture and support.
Now the apartment sits vacant 6 out of 7 nights a week while she lives with her new guy. She gets the youngest 1 day a week and every other weekend. The other won’t even look at her.
I work two jobs, go to bed at 5am and wake up at 7 get my kids off to school the go do a side job or two. I pick them up and do home work cook dinner and go back to work. I have birthday parties and give them all the love and support I can. When my sons in the hospital, which is one day per month for chemotherapy, I never leave his side.
I have extremely high family values, I will never leave my post or fail as a father, but Im a CHEATER. Is it ever justified?
Sorry about the length but its hard to put 14 years of marriage down on paper.
Ok What’s your opinions. I’m ready for my beating now (LOL)
Re:Cheater ready for his stoning, maybe (Long) SugarSweet: Hey Cop,
Unlike the other thread... I chose not to reply to it. Instead I thought I would relpy to yours. I am not sure what you expect, but here is my 2 cents... if it matters.
First of all... I think that every situatin has it's own right and wrong ways to deal with situations. Sometimes, I think that cheating is the cause of a divorce, but in other instances it is the symptoms of deeper and worse issues.
While I do not believe that cheating is the answer to any situation, in your case, I feel that while it was not the right way, it is understandable.
So it is not much of a reply. But I know in my marriage, while I was not the cheater... I dealt with an alcoholic husband and I can undersand the despair you were going through.
I was not perfect in how I dealt with all situations. I feel that in most marriages, it not only takes 2 to make it work, it also takes 2 to make it not work. No one is a Saint.
Kimba~
Re:Cheater ready for his stoning, maybe (Long) SherylLynn: You are a devoted father, a loving husband and someone who endured more than I could ever imagine.
Did you cheat? Maybe.... would I say it was justified? It isn't my call. I am not here to judge any one else's choices.
I took my cheating husband back, primarily because we have a family and it was important to me, but I got a good look at my life when he was cheating. I wasn't much fun. I didn't like him, and therefore didn't want to be with him in anyway. Did I make him cheat? No he did that on his own, but do I see the reasons he cheated? Absolutely!!!!
COP.... being a father and a loving friend to a woman who treated like that for years is admirable. Don't let anyone ever telll you any different.
Your kids are lucky they have someone like you in their life and I hope you are happy these days.
Take care,
Sheryl
Re:Cheater ready for his stoning, maybe (Long) Bug: How are your children coping? Are they doing ok?
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