Re:Cheater ready for his stoning, maybe (Long) lostinlife: Cop
First of all - KUDOS to you :). Not only for stepping up and being the better person in your family, but for not giving up. Also, For giving us a second chance to be the support group that we are touted as being. While you may not have seen the best of us in that last thread, you gave us the chance to make it up - at least in a small way. Thank you.
Now - for your situation. I have never been more horrified than when reading your post. As a wife and mother of 2 children, I can't begin to understand the actions of your wife. I understand that addiction is a disease and that it does require constant and appropriate treatment. However, as a mother, I can't begin to think of anything that would make me feel better than to hear my children giggling at something that I have done. Nor is there a greater high than having your child sit on your lap, hugging your neck for dear life, giving you butterfly kisses and whispering his/her biggest secret "I love you mommy - can I marry you someday?" (my youngest son, who is 6, actually said that to me one day).
While you did cheat on your spouse - I think I could understand a little. You were under a tremendous strain and had no "wife" to help. She was too far gone into a world of her own making.
Rather than focus on the infedelity, I would rather offer support for the other issues that you mentioned. First of all - get some counseling for you and the children. Particularly the oldest. It sounds as though he has a lot of hurt and anger towards his mother that he is going to need help in dealing with. He may not ever completely get over this, or forgive her for the things that she did/said/didn't do/should have done. But perhaps with help he can overcome it and become a much better person because of it. For the youngest, I am hoping that he may have been too young and ill much of the time for her actions to have done as much damage. However, chances are that he wasn't and that he will need the counseling just as much. Particularly since he may also be angry about his health as well.
(cont.)
Re:Cheater ready for his stoning, maybe (Long) lostinlife: cont.
And last, but certainly not least, get some counseling for yourself. While getting out of the relationship was best for you and the children, you should make sure that you work through all of your own anger and fear before committing to another relationship. I realize that this is tempting, particularly since you have already started an emotional affair with another woman from your past, but you need time to heal and work through this first.
I wish you the best of luck and my thoughts and prayers are with you during this time. My fondest thoughts and prayers though, are reserved for your youngest as he struggles with health issues and chemotherapy.
Most of us on this board are compassionate, caring, loving and forgiving people and we are here for you should you need us.
LIL
Re:Cheater ready for his stoning, maybe (Long) Shanna: I do think that you are a very strong person. It is great to see Dad's out there who step up and do the right thing. I think you gave your wife every possible chance and did the right thing by letting her go. That being said... I think it was wrong for you to go to another woman....I think you should always end one relationship before beginning another. I don't think cheating is ever okay.
How are your kids now?
Re:Cheater ready for his stoning, maybe (Long) Spectrum: I think your actions are understandable. At some point, we are all human.
I think it speaks volumes that the Cheaters Brigade hasn't jumped on your thread to tear you apart yet. Of course, I may be jinxing you with that very comment.
Spectrum.
Re:Cheater ready for his stoning, maybe (Long) bloke: Yes, here among the raw emotions and righteous indignation we are all human. We all make mistakes, we all fall short of the mark. It's what you do in the aftermath of that that counts. You can't undo what you've done, but you can show genuine remorse and try to make amends and do the right thing - as you so obviously have.
For my part my wife has treated me like a leper for months and I am absolutely desperate for some affection, some consideration some tenderness and yes, some sex. Unfortunately the only person i want this from is the one person least likely to give it to me. So if some flame from the past came along and showed me attention would I be tempted? how can I say for absolutely sure? I don't think so, but under the sort of pressure you were under maybe I would - you are a human trying to meet super-human expectations under incredible pressure
The difference between you and the other story causing so much consternation around here is the expression of remorse, and the attempt to atone for your actions. Forgive yourself COP. Cheating is always wrong, but if ever anyone tried to make up for the things they've done wrong you have.
Please don't hurt me anyone else, it's just an opinion, and we've all been through enough!
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