Re:How would you define an "Emotional Affair" Matt: i agree...
Adultry is not wholly physical.. It also exists mentally.
I guess my definition of an emotional affair is where one spouse engages in a relationship with a person outside the marriage and is attracted to them. They also shift affections from spouse to the other person. Much more laughing, talking, etc.. The confide in the other person, and keep secrets from the spouse about it.
Any relationship where one spouse conceals the relationship and the true nature of it would be considered an emotional affair for sure..
Re:How would you define an "Emotional Affair" lostinlife: Thank you all. Just so you know - this was not about myself, but a friendship that my spouse has that had me a little worried. I will keep a closer eye on it and see what his reaction to my knowing is.
Thanks again all - you have made it clear to me.
LIL
Re:How would you define an "Emotional Affair" lovelost: I am a paranoid freak since my ex had an emotional affair, so please take my post with a grain of salt. Watch him like a hawk. If he keeps anything about their relationship from you (i.e. number of phone calls, meetings etc.), he knows that his relationship is inappropriate perhaps even unconsciously.
The book "Not Just Friends" is an excellent description of the signs of an emotional affair, the destruction such relationships cause and ways to move beyond them.
In my future relationships (assuming I have them), I will be VERY wary of friendships my spouse has with someone of the opposite sex. It is so easy for the freindship to evolve into something more. All friendships have an element of intimacy, and therefore, probably have the potential to evolve into dangerous emotional affairs.
In my situation, I never felt threatend by my ex's friendships with women. I was confident in myself and never wanted to be that "psycho wife". Well, I was made the fool for not being more inquisitive about his "friendship" with a co-worker and not monitoring his actions more closely.
It is a very fine line between trusting your spouse and being oblivious.
Be very watchful. Good luck to you!
Re:How would you define an "Emotional Affair" Shanna: My STBX was having an emtional affair. I did not really know it. I was uncomfortable (like you say you are) with their friendship...she was supposed to be hanging out with me, but they kept running outside for different stuff or she would send him to get stuff for her all the time. HE would buy her a pack of cigs. Little stuff. One night while laying in bed I told him I wasn't comfortable with their friendship. I told him I was jealous. He acted like I was being rediculous. We went to sleep.
The next morning (she was sleeping on my couch bc she was afraid to be home alone while her husband was gone -yeah right) I walked into the living room at 3 am to get the boy I babysit (his dad drops him off early) and find my husband bent over her with his pants unziped shirt tucked in. I asked him about it and he said he was getting dressed and asking her to get the boy I babysit bc I was still asleep. I wasn't buying it, but what can I say. The next morning they had sex. I pushed him to her by just simply confronting the situation.
Let me add that he later confessed that that morning was the morning he confessed to her that he was in love and she was, too.
That probably wasn't any help, but I thought it fit.
Re:How would you define an "Emotional Affair" timetobefree: Ouch, Shanna....sorry to hear that. But don't say that you drove him to that...he did the driving all by himself.
I agree that if you are uncomfortable with the situation, you are probably right. Our guts tell us the truth, but we don't want to be "jealous women" so we push those feelings away, even though we should listen to them. Also, I agree that if s/he keeps any facet of the relationship a secret, that is a big sign of trouble.
I would say if the relationship seems fishy, it probably is. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it's a duck. Or in my case, if he says they were together for two hours after the bar closed talking about ME and how wonderful I am and how lucky he is, he is lying. Straight through his teeth. This was two weeks before I caught them together. Should have trusted my gut that night and kicked his dumb a$$ out of the house. Instead I slept in the same bed with him for two weeks as his loving wife. Never again though.
Hope this helps,
Amy :)
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