Stupidity runs rampant lostinlife: How often have we each wanted to hand out a sign?
The Stupid Sign
Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid." That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops...never mind, didn't see your sign."
It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My neighbor comes over and says, "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."
A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big ol' stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope. Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."
I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Alright, Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They
want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."
Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."
We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Darn that's hot!" See, if he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.
I learned to drive an 18-wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't you know, I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out, no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning...okay...no problem. I thought for sure he was clear of needing a sign...until he asked, "So, is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said, "No, I'm delivering a bridge... here's your sign."
I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and said, "Are you still here?" I replied, "No. I left about 10 minutes ago. Here's your sign."
Anybody you know need a sign today?
The next time someone says something stupid ask them where their sign is.
Re:Stupidity runs rampant tara: Oh, dear god, yes. I could fill one of those page-a-day calendars with dumb things people have said to me over the last few weeks.
I got a lecture from the cell-phone guy, when we explained the reason we needed to change from a family plan to two separate individual plans, about the perils of divorce, and how he hoped we thought ours through because it was horrible for children and for families. (I asked to talk to a supervisor.)
My stbx said the cable company couldn't hook up his new apartment, because...his roommate, who arranged for the cable, has an out-of-state cell phone and the technicians aren't allowed to call long distance. (As though nobody has ever kept an out-of-state cell phone when they moved before.)
When I was looking at a lower flat, I had a landlady excuse the tenants of the upper flat -- who were sitting on the porch when I toured, and had called me "neighbor chick" and asked if I wanted to party -- by saying that the good thing about sharing a duplex with college boys is that you can bribe them with pizza to shovel the walk or dig you out of your parking space. ::)
Yeah. I need signs.
Re:Stupidity runs rampant Spectrum: Isn't all of that Jeff Foxworthy material?
Spectrum.
Re:Stupidity runs rampant lostinlife: Spectrum - close, it is the other guy from his show, Bill Engvall. I was wondering who would catch it.
LIL
Re:Stupidity runs rampant Shanna: I love those....I need a stack of signs to hand out.
My favorite thing is when people ask me if my kids are twins. One walks and looks like a little boy the other can't walk and looks like a baby. yeah they are twins. I actually just tell people "close enough". ::)
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