What will my tomorrow's bring? atalose: Sometime's I find it sooo hard to express my feelings in words, and I find I can only say I feel empty inside. I'm not crying, nor do I feel angry, just incredibly empty. :-\
Monday, October,18th; I found myself sitting on the hard, cold wooden bench outside the courtroom not 4ft. away from my soon to be ex-husband. We sat there in silence just waiting......
I kept glancing at the man I had spent the last 7 years of my life with, 5 years of them being married and the only 2 things that came to mind was "Why?" and "I love you!". The silence continued. :-X
We entered the courtroom, our case was heard all in 5min. tops, And the judge granted our divorce and ended my torture by wishing us both well in life. I handled myself very well I thought, I at least managed to walk away with my head held high. ???
I would of given anything to hold him in my arms one last time, to run my fingers through his hair, to gently place a kiss upon his brow, and whisper in his ear "I'll always love you!" :-[
Since he first mentioned divorce to me (7 months ago) I've been on the same emotional roller-coater ride as the rest of you here, and over that time it has gotten easier but still......
I find myself and my life in limbo.....it's time for me to close the door to my past and open the door to my future but this empty feeling holds me back.
For the past 3 weeks I have been talking to this really nice man thats recently been divorced also but I just dont feel it in me. We communicate very well with one and another, we make eachother laugh but I feel nothing beyond that. The sad thing is I want to feel something more.
This may sound strange but deep down I know I could never love another as I loved my husband and to me that just dont seem fair to this man or to any other man that may enter my life. Maybe it's just too soon for me, maybe I never will feel again how my husband made me feel. ???
I miss my husband and though I still love him, I'm content with my life and I now know that I can actually live my life without him but I'm afraid I may never feel again. I honestly feel that my love will always belong to my Robert. I may learn to care for someone but to love I'm not so sure?
Today is not a good day for me as it is and maybe that is why I'm feeling and speaking how I am......Today is our Anniversary.(SIGH) :'(
Four days after our divorce I find myself celebrating (mourning) our Anniversary without the man I love.
I love you Robert
&
Happy Anniversary
Forever Yours
Re:What will my tomorrow's bring? LoveFool: Dear AAL,
As I read your post I began to realize that your thoughts of the love for you ex-husband where my same thoughts about the love for my stbx. I could never imagine loving someone the way I loved her. After 6-years together, my love felt like it was getting stronger and stronger for her with each passing day. I use to look into her eyes and feel pure bliss....I couldnt wait for the day we had children together because I couldnt wait to see how the love of my life would hold and love our children.....and then as for many of us, our worlds came crashing to an end with the infamous words: "I love you, but I'm not in Love with you".
I struggled for many months with your identical thoughts, but I've come to realize something. That maybe we are not destined to love a particular person. That instead, we are simply destined to love... I know/feel this to be true in my case. Like you, I could never imagine loving someone else the way I loved her. And to be honest with you that may be the case, but I believe I will love again. Maybe next time my love will be even greater than i ever thought possible.
I know you are in bad emotional state and I know that empty feeling all too well. But as many of us will tell you, "It will get better". Time is this amazing, powerful healer. I believe that with time your feelings of love for your exhusband will become less and less intense, and will be replaced by new feelings.....and maybe even better and more full-filling than you could ever imagine.
Stay strong and best wishes,
LF
Re:What will my tomorrow's bring? marfanoidus: [quote"> I find myself and my life in limbo.....it's time for me to close the door to my past and open the door to my future but this empty feeling holds me back.
[/quote"> Good - you know what you need to do, and why you hesitate to do it.
[quote"> ... deep down I know I could never love another as I loved my husband[/quote"> Consider being open to the idea that you don't know that (at least in the same way you know you exist) but rather right now you feel it in a way that makes you think it is real.
Its ok to mourn - healthy, even. For me, looking back at a failed relationship is like standing next to the casket of a departed loved one and expecting them to open their eyes. Once our brains realize it isn't going to happen, we begin to move with accepting the hurt of the loss.
But remember this - what time can not heal, it causes to fester. The healing process is up to you - you have to proactively grab it and experience it for all that it is worth - don't just think it will happen to you.
I wish you the best of luck; may you grow in this experience to find peace, as I have.
walt
Re:What will my tomorrow's bring? sunseeker: I received this in an email this week during one of my down periods...
" I am focusing all of my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead. " Phillippians 3:13
