Somewhere over the rainbow.... LoveFool: Dear R,
It's been awhile since we've last 'truely' communicated. It's amazing sometimes how life just completely turns around. Its unpredictability is what makes it so beautiful, don't you think? I have been meaning to write you this letter for some time now. I guess I was subconsciously waiting for the right moment. I recieved a copy of the divorce documents which were sent to the Montgomery County Court office. I guess it's only a matter of days before the final nail is hammered into the coffin of what was once our marriage...
I wanted to let you know that although we don't communicate, I think about you and wonder about you often. I don't hate you and will never hate you. You were a important part of my life that has partly defined who I am today. I look back at our moments together and remember them fondly. On Septermber 30th, I thought back to our wedding day four years ago and realized what a beautiful moment in time that was. I still think it was one of the best days of my life. I dont regret anything.
I still think of you highly and still describe you as one of the two best people I have ever met, although I must admit that I really dont know who you are now. This past year has been a year of reflection, introspection, and learning for me. I have learned and grown more in these past 11 months then I have in my whole life.
I am still perplexed when I think about how a "true love so hard to find" has turned to this. I dont expect you to give me an answer...and maybe I really dont want to know. Does it really matter now, probably not. Anyways, I think I'm really writing you to let you know that I'm ok and that I am not mad at you. Actually I am a little mad that you didnt give me 2 months notice as I had asked you (just kiddin). Seriously, I dont want you to have any guilt or feel sorry for me in any way. In fact I hope that you have found the happiness that you have always searched for. I am sorry I couldnt provide that for you, but I gave it my best. I remember asking you many times what you wanted out of life, and your response was always: "I just want to be happy." I also now know what often times you would pray for at night before you went to sleep....
Oh and one final thing. One of the last things you said to me was this: "do you think i woke up one day and decided to ruin your life?" My response at the time was: "no, but you did." I just want to take that back. You didnt ruin my life, you just simply changed it.
R, I hope you are ok and doing well. I even miss you sometimes....you know i kinda liked you. Maybe you'll find me again...somewhere over the rainbow.
With Love,
Pauly
