Made mistake w/ brother in law (long) needhelp2: Hello everyone. Please do not judge me to harshly, I know I made a huge mistake. I feel horrible about it everyday. My stbx left in Nov of last year. His whole family was against him and for me because he's a cheater and a leaver. We have 2 young children and his parents took me in when he left to move in with the OW b/c we didnt have anywhere to go. His brothers wife was also very supportive to me. She is also an alcoholic and so is her husband, my brother in law. So in Feb (21/2 mos after stbx left) I went to visit them and let our kids play. Of course they had drinks so I figured why not, relieve some stress! Vodka and diet orange soda, heavy on the vodka. I was still nursing my son so I wanted to nurse him to sleep before I Had mine. They, however, were on their 3rd already. While I was nursing my son my brother in law starts saying how sexy I am and how beautiful I am. My sister in law was in kitchen then came in. He quit. I just brushed it off cause hes always been crude. I started drinking and they started talking about their sex life and how it dwindles after kids ect. Every time my drink got low he would make me another one. I had not drank since before I was prego so it had been over a year! So it affected me right away. My sister in law went to bed and I was on my way i think, it is so hard to remember because I had 4 drinks! My BIL kissed me in kitchen. I remember kissing him back. It is very fuzzy but I do remember making out with him. We did NOT have sex, he stopped it and went to bed. But I think I was so drunk I would have. Needless to say the next AM My SIL new what was up. I went in and told her it was all me, I came on to him, (I just felt like I didnt want her and her kids to lose their father like my family had, and if I told her it was me, maybe they would stay together)she asked me why I would do that and I told her I felt like it wasnt me, I would never do that, It truly as the alcohol. I married at 21 and my stbx is the only man I have ever been with sexually. I am a very moral person. What happened is killing me. My SIL said "Ive been where you are so I understand." She was very civil to me. I left and she gave the kids some cereal to take and hugged me and said "we'll get through this." I havnt heard from her since. I have called 3 times. Telling her how sorry I am and what a horrible thing I did. Now I am worried she may have told my stbx and his parents. I would die if they all knew. My inlaws havnt called in a while so I worry they may know. Any advice on how to handle this? I have considered telling my SIL the truth, that he came on to me, all night, but whats the point, I still did make out with him so I idi wrong. Please help me, I really need it. Thank you in advance for being kind... :-[ :'(
Re:Made mistake w/ brother in law (long) LKN4ME: I can't imagine being in your shoes. I feel for you for what you are going through. I see your reasoning for lying to your SIL which is commendable since you didn't want to stir up trouble with her and her kids, but part of me feels you should have told the truth. My husband had cheated on me and no matter what I'd still want to know the truth.
Maybe talking to the BIL and getting him to tell her the truth would help. But at this point in time if he's already let you take the fall for it then he's probably not going to change his mind now. If you do this I would tell your SIL first and tell her that you're going to contact him and tell him to fess up.
And telling your SIL the truth now, well she probably won't believe you. You can tell her and why you did it and hopefully she'll believe it.
And your right, she may have told everyone by now.
The only thing you can do is stay away from them and let them work on it and contact you. That is, if you want to be a part of their lives, if not, then just let it go.
Good luck to you. Hope it helps.
Re:Made mistake w/ brother in law (long) needhelp2: Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. I was getting worried nobody was going to offer and advice. I really needed it. You gave me good advice, I really need to just move on I guess and if they contact me then they do. Thank you again!
Re:Made mistake w/ brother in law (long) marfanoidus: Why can't men just be gentlemen????
It ticks me off so bad when crap like that happens.
You are now at the point where telling the truth makes you a liar no matter what. Their perspective will be that you either told the truth in the beginning and are lying now, or lied in the beginning and are telling the truth now.
Another thing to remember - as a general rule, ex in laws will turn on you quicker than crap hits the ground at the first hint of something they don't like about you.
And they can be cut-throat vicious.
So you screwed up - big deal. We shouldn't be defined for our mistakes, but how we recover from them.
My advice - move on with your life, just walk away, because
a) those relationships will never be 'comfortable' again;
b) you can bet your posterior that the BIL will try the same thing again because you gave him a 'Get of Jail Free' card the first time around.
good luck to you, and don't cry over spilled milk - relationships with ex in laws almost NEVER last for too long anyway.
walt
Re:Made mistake w/ brother in law (long) needhelp2: Walt, You are so kind! Thank you. I really do need to get over it. I appreciate your advice regarding how we are defined. Right now I am already defining myself by my mistakes, esp. marrying my stbx. That was a horrible mistake. I carry the guilt every day because I made the choice to have 2 kids with him and bring suffering to them! Thats my fault, So I do tend to focus on my mistakes, but like you said maybe now I will try to define myself on how I recover from it. I need to try and let this situation w/ the BIL go I guess. I feel so guilty about that though. Everyone in my ex's family really thought I was great and wonderful and they respected me. They thought I was the best thing that ever happened to their son/ brother. I guess I ruined that. But everybody makes mistakes right? ! Thanks again for responding!
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