Re:wanting her back ChristyM: Kin-
I know what you're saying, but tread carefully here. My ex and I get along wonderfully and I miss him terribly sometimes but like Spec pointed out, I wouldn't marry him again. Even though he says right now he's regretful about things and wishes sometimes we hadn't divorced, I know if I started really thinking about reconciliation he would end up balking in the end and I'd be dragged right back down to that dark place. It might work for you and your ex ... and again, I AM THE BIGGEST PROPONENT OF MAKING A MARRIAGE WORK, even after divorce but you have to go slow and protect your feelings; especially until you know where she stands. There's nothing worse than putting your heart back out there thinking she's having the same thoughts as you and then she tells you she likes the way things are as friends. Been there, done that.
Even after a year of being separated from the ex I still have a hard time not falling back into that habit of ending our conversations "love you". I still call him honey and he calls me babe. Warped, I know. Yet, I don't think either one of us thinks a marriage would work again.
A wise Spec once told me "Just loving someone doesn't make them right for you".
Christy
Re:wanting her back Kinney26: As of right now there is no chance of reconciliation anyway. It was just easier when I was completely pissed off at her and felt hate for her. It is just harder when that is gone and I am so lonely. I still do miss her though, even if she isn't the right one for me.
Kin
wanting her back ChristyM: Of course you miss her Kin and you are exactly right when you say it was easier when you were pissed off. Oh, those angry days gave me an emotion I was familiar with and it helped me feel like there was a reason we were getting divorced. Once when my ex was angry at me I told him it was easier being angry than admitting how he really felt. That's why so many people never get out of the pit of anger and bitterness -- helps give them some justification for what's happened.
At least my ex and I were able to move past that and onto a better place. I also found the more we were "friends", the more he started talking about "us" again. Not sure what would have happened had I not moved away. I like it this way b/c I can talk to him all the time about stuff and I don't have to hide how I'm feeling. If I'm depressed about something, I can call him up and he'll listen to me cry and he'll make me feel better. I also get calls from him about various stuff too. We even openly talk about the marriage, divorce, etc. and we've had some really honest talks about how we hurt each other. As I've moved on, the need to call him has gotten less and less and I depend on my other friends more now anyway.
It will get better Kin, but it takes time. Even now, over a year later I still think about him when a certain song comes on or I smell his cologne or think about an inside joke. My heart still aches for the man I used to know.
Christy
Re:wanting her back Spectrum: [quote author=ChristyM link=board=1;threadid=5083;start=0#msg39534 date=1098841020">
A wise Spec once told me "Just loving someone doesn't make them right for you".
Christy
[/quote">
Wow. I forgot about that one. Thanks for the reminder, Christy! :-*
I think I could tattoo that on my butt, except that it wouldn't be much of a reminder there, now, would it? ;D
My advice to you, Kinney, is unfortunately going to be of the 'can and box' variety. If you haven't gotten concrete evidence that your ex wants you back (and frankly, even if you have), you need to just concentrate on rebuilding your life and making yourself happy and independent in other ways. If you can become truly happy and self-sufficient without her, you'll be much more attractive to both her and other (potentially better) matches.
And worse case scenario, you are much happier on your own in the meantime.
Spectrum.
Re:wanting her back Druid13: I have a question on being happy with oneself? How can you know when you are there? I have been self sufficient for awhile now. Keeping busy, going to work, working out in the gym, doing things with my daughter....but I can't really say I am happy yet? Don't all of us to a certain extent look toward others for some form of happiness? I feel self sufficient...but I feel tired and alone too at times.I guess I am equating everything with loss more than gain still. The simple fact that we do have a daughter reminds me of the loss I think also. Had it just been us I am sure I would feel different. I t could be my mind replaying things over and over that is preventing this also. Or it could be the GOOD times I had with my ex I regarded as the happiest point in my life? I am not sure...not to hijack a thread...but this got me thinking again.
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