A Few Things I Miss Cassa: a.k.a. What I Lost
a.k.a. Why I'm Crying Right Now
a.k.a. Why This Hurts So God Damned Much
His breath on my neck
His heartbeat
Being snuggled
Snuggling him
“Good morning”
Silly nicknames
The electric blanket he gave me on my wedding day
Our down duvet
Diesel, my kitty
Snuggling so long I don’t have time for a shower
Crawling back into bed for just two more minutes of snuggles
No really, just two more minutes
“Have a good day”
“Want breakfast?”
“See you later”
“I love you”
“I’ll miss you”
Backing out of the garage while he waits to close the garage door
Calls at work for no reason
My house
Love notes in my lunch
Rushing home to see him
Having someone to meet me at the door
A hug at the end of a long day
Cooking for someone
“Dinner was fabulous”
Cooking with someone
The sound of him shoveling the walk or mowing the lawn
Knocking on the window and waving at him
Having someone to shop for
Having someone to shop with
The way he drove the grocery cart
Snuggling on the couch
Negotiating for the remote control
Smiling at him
Giggle fits
Secrets
Watching him when he doesn’t know I’m watching
Looking up to see him watching me
Winking
The fact that he can only wink with one eye
The fact that I can only snap my fingers on one hand
Sitting in front of the fireplace together
“Where do you want to go?”
“What do you want to do”
Dressing up
Going out for dinner
Quick kisses
Passionate kisses
Stolen kisses
Wearing his shirts
His body heat
Washing his hair
Making love in the bedroom
Making love on the couch
Making love in front of the fireplace
Making love on the counters
Making love on the kitchen table
The sparkle in his eyes
Knowing he’s safe
Hearing him tiptoe in
Holding hands
Him watching me undress
Being kissed all over
Making his birthday special
“You look great today”
His smell
Him carrying the heavy stuff
Him reaching the high stuff
Butterfly kisses
Naps on sunny afternoons
Going for walks
Going to movies
Eating ice cream
Taking care of him when he’s sick
Feeling beautiful
Feeling special
Being loved
Being wanted
Being cherished
Feeling protected
Feeling safe
Our house
My plants
My bookshelf
Our paintings
My terra cotta tile
Our trees: faith, hope and love
Our neighbours
The panoramic mountain view
Making anniversary plans
Buying birthday presents
Buying anniversary presents
Buying Christmas presents
Buying Valentine’s Day presents
The place we’d stop for breakfast before hiking
My old car
“Let me help you”
My squash racquet
Being Mrs. Somebody
Being somebody’s
Knowing someone is thinking about me
Having someone worry if I come home late
Our retirement dreams
Talking about growing old together
Watching the wrinkles appear year after year
Scratching his back
Being in love
Being loved
Looking at our photo albums
Hearing him sing in the shower
Singing to him
How deep his chest is
His “I’m sorry” look
Talking about the old apartment
Talking about our university days
Knowing how far we came together
Laying out his work clothes for him
Him polishing my shoes
Him ironing my clothes
Washing his clothes
Rubbing his back
Being hugged from behind
Being touched
Loving my life
Running down the driveway barefoot in the snow for just one more kiss
Watching as he leaves
Watching for him to come home
Warming him up when’s he’s cold
Taking baths together
Mattering
Wearing his ring
Knowing exactly what he means
Knowing exactly what he wants
Finishing each other’s thoughts
“Let me get that for you”
Making waffles for him
Playing in a swimming pool together
Taking trips together
Tickling each other
Dancing in the middle of washing dishes
My hopes
My dreams
My friend
Being good enough
Messages on the white board
Getting roses
Presents for no reason
Him holding me when I had a bad dream
The sound of his voice
His smile
His laughter
Pillow talk
Falling asleep together
Us
Re:A Few Things I Miss feelindown: That was so cool! It made me cry, I can't figure out why a person would leave you? You miss all the things my wife didn't seem to care much about in me. The things I wished she would have cared about. Best wishes, I'm sure someone is out there for both of us, that will stay.
Re:A Few Things I Miss CPmommy: Can it really be that way? You were so lucky to have had those things at one time. I would miss them, too.
Re:A Few Things I Miss Lumpy: Dear Cassa,
Just wanted you to know I absolutely love your posts. Your memories are so familiar and vivid. Please keep posting. I hope he knows what he's lost.
Re:A Few Things I Miss Cassa: Thanks Lumpy,
I appreciate your feedback. I see so much pain and anger on here, and I really want to try to remember the love so I don't become bitter. I think just once, though, I'll post the other side: "Things I Don't Miss". Unfortunately my bad memories are just as vivid. My next post is for you. Today I'll let myself be disparaging.
Cassa
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