Here is my story... favoriteangel2003: I am 32 and have two beautiful and healthy children I have been with my husband for 13+ years. He is an alcoholic and I heard alcoholism has several stages to it....Well my husband just moved up yet another one. He went to a bar a month ago to watch the football game, I was very sick with the flu and had two children to watch....he said he could stay home but I didn't want to watch the game at that time so I trusted that he would be back in a few hours. Well, the hours kept going by so I called him and he was toasted...I hung up and about a hour later he drove home very drunk. I told him to leave and go somewhere else because I was upset with him and didn't feel good....then he said a few (not very nice words) as I was starting to cry(something I hardly do). Well at that moment all I could do was think to myself "How Dare You!!! After all I do for you?" And all I could think of was to smack some sense into this drunken screw up so I took my hand and open handedly smack his face as hard as I could. Now, I know I shouldn't have but I couldn't help it. I have never done that before and I hate to say it but it felt good. He called 911 in his drunken state and the cops were there in no time. My only regret is that my children had to see all hell brake loose and after that night I swore that was the first time and the last time that that would ever happen. The cops basically took my side and my husband blew double the legal limit because (he wasn't drunk and he was going to show us that. ) Well he did and I am embarrassed and through with all the years of pain he has given me...I finally realized I am too tired to deal with this anymore. I am too responsable to be married to someone like that. My husband is an alcoholic and won't quit drinking...even if it means he gets to keep his family but he will not drink and drive anymore so I can feel good about that...Right? I know where I stand...basically, where I have always stood...I am confused...he has been so selfish for most of our relationship. I am never given any credit, I am emotionally neglected and I am doing everything all by myself anyway, and I deserve so much better than that. I am so hurt and so lonely...I hope I can get some good and honest advice. I would appreciate any feed back good or bad. Just be gentle...I am a little sensitive right now...as much as I hate to admit that. Thank you for reading my story... :)
Re:Here is my story... Bug: I am not sure what to tell you other then getting out was the right thing to do; For your children as well as yourself. I have never had to deal with alcoholism so I'm afraid I am not much help other then moral support. I did deal with other kinds of abuse in my marriage and I understand how you can feel worthless. Even though you decided for good reason to leave, there will be hard times, times you want to go back even though he hurt you so bad, I broke up with my husband years ago and about six months in I panicked so I came back and ended up with three more years of pain before I decided I just couldn't do it any more. Not sure if it does or will apply to you, just trying to help through my experiences. Just remember you are a worthwhile person, you are special, he does not define who you are, and your children need you.
Be Well
Re:Here is my story... cop501: Fav
Read my post "Cheater ready for his stoning" I know what your going through. My wife gave up her family kids and all for alcohol. The only advice I can give you is that they will not change until they are ready and that is usualy "rock bottom". I thought my wife hit it three times already. Each time I would help her and each time she would go back to her old ways.
Take care of yourself and your kids and don't waste your time trying to make him aware of the error of his ways as I did. It only drains you. Hopefully he will see what he's losing and seek treatment.
When you said "I finally realized I am too tired to deal with this anymore". I know exactly how you are feeling, because I was there once. If you need to talk to someone whos been there let me know.
Hang in there
Re:Here is my story... CPmommy: Hi, favoriteangel --
I'm thinking of you today! I'm feeling especially weak today myself knowing that there is a Halloween party coming up this weekend and not knowing what to expect. Will he drink - won't he? Why won't he just leave? (Because I enable him, that's why! And he doesn't have to lift a finger. I'm practically his mommy!)
I have a counseling appt today and I'm hoping that helps - it usually does. Are you seeing a counselor? It's really helping me to stand my ground. And, you know, the h doesn't like it one bit. He even had the nerve to say, "I have bad days on Tuesdays because I know you're at counseling." ()^*^*&%& Talk about selfish! Okay, dumb a$$, why do you think I'm IN counseling - a whole STRING of bad days because of YOU!!!
Anyway, hang in there, sweetie. I'm here for you! Send me a note if you need to!
Shannon
Re:Here is my story... favoriteangel2003: Hi Shannon,
I am having a bad day too! No, I am not seeing a counselor right now ... not quite sure how I feel about them at this point in time....had seen them before with not so much luck at all. I find that support groups do more for me, although I haven't given up on counselors yet. I am really not liking the up and down swings I have been having lately or should I say the roller coaster ride....I never did like them anyway. I had a really bad night tonight...everything just kind of hit me hard...I don't know what to do. I just don't know if I want to put any more effort into to him but feel like I have to at the same time. I just wish he would put the effort back into me. I would fall off my chair if that ever happened...heck....I would love to see that happen but sad knowing that it probably won't happen that way for us. I am thinking about going with him to be evaluted by a professional as far as his alcoholism goes. I will bet he will find a excuse for what they say to him, but then I can say I tried and I wouldn't be the only telling him he has a problem. Right? I don't know Shannon!!! ??? How did we get ourselves tied into such messy situations...? I have a few questions for the almighty one when and if I make it up there ... :-\
Take Care and I hope tomorrow is a better and more stronger day for you! ;)
Danelle :)
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