Re:How not to become clingy while dating? Spectrum: Medusa's last post brought a whole host of thoughts to mind.
1) We will put up with a higher degree of cling from potential partners we really *really* like than we will from ones our subconscience has already vetoed.
2) I can *so* relate to Medusa's need for space. My ex came from a family that expected minute-to-minute updates on everyone's whereabouts, and it was not uncommon for his family members to call each other 2-3 times daily, particularly if someone was on vacation (and therefore more susceptible to murder/injury/catastrophe?!?!) and even more so if leaving for or returning from vacation. I'd come home from the stables a couple hours late and he'd be pacing the house, contemplating driving out to the barn to see if I was dead..... in four years he never managed to figure out that *all* horse people are *always* late coming home from the stables.
3) And some more clingy bf stories:
A) The premature "I love you." If you aren't getting that soulful look from the person you're dating, like they are just *dying* to tell you they love you but don't have the guts yet, then I wouldn't go there.
B) Excessive gift purchases: I've had two major attempts at over-gifting in very short-term relationships.
In the first case, after one month the bf tried to give me a hand-made silver and aquamarine pendant his father made for his mother when he was in high school.... WAY too much sentimental value for so early on. I gave it back and told him very frankly why I was doing so.
In the second instance (late May of this year, actually) a guy who I believe sensed that I was pulling away told me during dinner he was going to take me shopping for expensive jewelry after dinner. My response? "Oh no you aren't!" "Why not" "Because expensive jewelry is here ((motioning with left hand)) and we are WAAAYYYY over here ((motioning with right hand))!"
3) I'll second the frequent phone calls thing. The Turkish Engineer was a king in that department. Despite knowing that I have a job that often runs late, and the fact that I told him I'd be done working around 5:30 or so, he called me three times on my cell between 5 and 6pm, and then somehow found the UNLISTED number of the stable where I'm training and called me on the business line at 6:05 because, "He was worried my cell phone wasn't working." I was literally walking towards my apartment door at this point, so my call was minutes away. To say I found this sign of desperation and/or impatience annoying would be an understatement.
As much as all these stories bugged me, however, it all still comes back to your individual relationship. Yes, there are whirlwind relationships where both parties are equally infatuated with each other, making the 1am "I'm just thinking of you" phone calls less annoying and more cutesy-cutesy. And yes a $500 bracelet can be a nice gift if you are really into the guy and he has the money to buy it for you.
But if you find yourself considering anything like this less than a month into the relationship, you should definitely take a step back and run your next few options through the "cling-o-meter." :)
Spectrum.
Re:How not to become clingy while dating? Bug: LoL ok. I love that "cling o-meter" Idea :) Anyone else want to add? Maybe some guy feedback?
Re:How not to become clingy while dating? Shanna: I am totally part of a need to know where you are at all times family. I am a worrier. I get worried when people are late. Not bc they are late and I am impatient, but bc I automatically start thinking OMG did they wreck or some other horrible thing. I do the same thing when people dont' call.
Call me Clingy....so Frid do I bother you with my clinginess....if the answer is yes...email me instead of busting me down on the board.
Re:How not to become clingy while dating? Kinney26: I am a worrier when people are late. My whole thing is, if you are going to be late please take 2 seconds to let me know and then I won't have to worry and bother you.
How not to become clingy while dating? ChristyM: Let me clarify here that there is a marked difference between someone doing the clingy calling as opposed to the I'm going to be late calling. My date better call me if he's going to be very late -- a few minutes isn't a big deal but late enough to hinder our date plans is a big no no. My clingy guy was just calling to say hi and that he was back in town and when I didn't call back within some predetermined (in his mind) time he had to call me again. I thought to myself ... "geez, can you appreciate that I have a life that involves other things separate from you and am busy doing a few things". It wasn't like I hadn't just seen him the night before last.
It also drives me crazy when I start dating a guy and within a couple dates he starts talking long term and can't understand why we aren't "exclusive". He doesn't want me to date other people. Do guys assume the terms dating and sex are synonymous? Maybe they are to some, but not to me. Until I find "the one" I want to date and that means dinner, a movie, a sporting event, etc.
Christy
Edited to add: I just thought of something else. When I was out with clingy guy a couple weekends ago he got a call from one of his buddies on his cell. I heard him refer to me as "my girl" ---- UGH!!!!!!!!!
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