I found him hiding in the bathroom. Puppetonastring: 5 weeks ago, my girlfiend of 9 years made up her mind to leave the relationship. She said she was tired of the family lifestyle. We have 2 boys one 6 , the other , just turned 3. I received the whole speach about her independance and finding herself. She even called her 21 year old brother from CA. to stay with her for support being that he didn't have anything going on. She is 30 and I am 32. Although I did not want her to leave I accepted her decision and asked her to make me a promise. I asked her if there was anyone else she was involved with. She said no emphatically. Then I asked her to promise me that she would tell me before she took on any physical relationships. She looked me in the eye and promised on our kids. 2 days later I dropped the kids off at the hotel she was staying at only to find a 22 year old kid she met at her job hiding 1/2 dressed in the bathroom. With both of them in front of me I asked what was going on. She said they were just friends. After speaking with the kid, it turns out they they were sleeping together. I know my partner has always had very weak boundaries so I was not shocked to find out.
I was actually relived in a weird sense because she was trying to make me feel as though I have been paranoid the past few months leading up to her leaving. It turns out that she spun lie upon lie upon lie , one after another. I know in my heart and mind that its over between us as too much has happend. Too many lies, manipulations and trust have been shattered beyond repair. Even with all this, I think I am in denial as there is a part of me that is hoping she will come to her senses and realize she made a mistake and apologize. I want my family back and it kilss me to know that this is nolonger a possibility. How can anyone ever trust after so much deciet and so much betrayal. I feel like a fool.
I have anxiety that I am having a hard time controlling.
When ever she comes by to drop off the kids or pick something up , I have anxiety. Once I found out she was sleeping with this kid, I simply left her alone. I do not call her, I do not talk to her, I do not even look at her when she comes by. She has her boyfriend picking up and taking care of our kids when she is working. My 6 year old tells me he hears his mother screaming in the bedroom while she is in there with her boyfriend. I am ok on the outside , but inside I am a mess.How does one deal with an affair ? Should I just ignore her. It is very clear that even after 9 years being together , she could care less about me. I feel used. I am and have always been a good husband, father and provider and I thought I truly had the right woman by my side. How could this happen. I have so many questions but I do not want to ask her after finding out about all the lies she has told me. She told me that a relationship was the furethest thing from her mind and that I was crazy and paranoid for think that way. After being confronted with the truth, she said she was f'd up and she was going back to her old ways. I do not even know where to beging my new life or how to begin it. Not that I would do it, but I think dyeing would be the easy way out. At least I would not have to deal with this.
[deleted] naz999: [deleted">
Re:I found him hiding in the bathroom. devochic: Welcome to OJAR. Sadly many have felt your pain. I have found this an amazing support site. Whether I post or whether I read. Just be strong. You are in for a crazy rollercoaster ride of emotions, but I swear it heals with time.
Nev
Re:I found him hiding in the bathroom. feelindown: Hang on, don't do anything you will regret. I had a similar experience. 9 years, 4 married I'm 32 she will be 30. She started to lie about everything and had left me last weekend.
As I look over the last 9 years I realized that I have really been alone anyway, she just was there. She didn't love me. I'm sure you may have felt that too over the years. After spending some time on OJAR I'm learning that there are a lot of good women still in the world. We just can't give up trying. Best wishes!
Re:I found him hiding in the bathroom. feelindown: Alex, your story kills me, I'm worried that my wife was doing something with a guy at her work. Got no real proof just a strong feeling. She turned into a people shell that seemed empty inside.
Matt,
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