slipping into oblivion picadilly: :'( So well, today is the day, 26th Oct. 1 Year of separated hell. I'm just so tired... I'm posting this a day early because I don't feel like I'll want to talk tomorrow.
I suppose that this day is here, I'll be getting that mail regarding the final paper work signing for the divorce. Finish that up & I can be a divorcee before the new year.
This last year has been amazing... The times I've moved forward... The times I've slipped way the hell back. It's been a never ending cycle... Yes, Ojar has been a huge help to me... but I think it's also hindered me some. All my new friends that I've tried to help over the year & all the things I've said to them to help move them forward in their own. I've tried to always be happy, encouraging to them & I think in doing that, that I've become someone hesitant in posting my own fears, needs & wants. I keep thinking to myself that "wow, would any of them take whatever I had to say as serious if they knew deep down how scared I was? How fearful I am of where I'm going or even if I am going anywhere at all?"
I look in the mirror & I don't see the fear. I don't. But I know it's there & I have to fight it every day. I know I'm not perfect, I don't think anyone is and if you're told otherwise, they are trying to sell you something. An idea, a goal... whatever. My life has been stagnant since she disappeared from it :'(. I guess I've been doing stuff.. keeping busy. But WTF am I doing it for? Myself? You guys? I have no clue. I wish I did. I wish I could get a clue.
Huh, maybe that's my clue that I'm as messed up as anyone here.
This is such a terrible place to be that I would never wish this on another person. No one deserves to be where I am standing now, on the brink of a new life that I should be welcoming with open arms no matter how much I wish my old life was still there for me to turn to.
I've said this time & time again to people here... No one ever said this was going to be easy.
But no one prepared me for just how hard it really is.
Well, whateva'. Be well all, I need another beer...
Re:slipping into oblivion cop501: Pic
Of course your as messed up as anyone here. Your human. That's the beauty of this site is knowing that your not alone. Knowing that your not the only one who's scared. As you said you were always there with words of encourgment for everyone else. Im sure your words have helped alot of people through tough times, but this site works both ways. Dont forget about yourself. Tell everyone what your feeling, I guarantee your not alone. We are all fearing the unknown which is our future.
Im 18 months into this and just recently the times I move forward are more frequent than the times I slip way back. The way I was feeling I never thought that day would come. Im a little ahead of you in this process and things do get better.
I think I need another beer too....
Re:slipping into oblivion Good to be ME: hey pic I am right there with you. I thought that I was doing so well and then I got to six months today and I just lost it. I don't even know why I did...I just did.
I am sure that things will look up...but I really know that you don't wanna hear that because I feel the same way. Take care buddy. Hope things get better...maybe for me too :)
cheers
Re:slipping into oblivion Safetykc: Dang Norm,
Dragging my tired butt out of retirement so I can give you a kick in yours....whateva~~ ;) ;D
Man oh man, how to be eloquent at 3:30 in the a.m....
All I can say is you WILL be OK.... you know this deep down, you are just feeling the doldrums of the end truly barrelling down on you as its now a year and the waiting period is over and it can finally happen for you as it happened for so many of us a little further to the south....and that is something you said to me and many others as well...It's normal Norm to be feeling this as the end draws nigh...
Don't make me goto allllllllllllll your old posts and pull your words of encouragement out from times like this and throw them back in your face. I know you aren't that down. You are too strong for that my friend.
Or I can go all the way back in the way back machine...remember people building scaffolding to pull me out of the pits I was in dealing with what you REMEMBER I had to deal with....I remember many time you pulling me out of that pit and commiserating with me about the evilness of my X and what she was doing...pulling me away when she was trying to suck me back in...
You have been a pillar of support to this community Norm and I am sure many others more eloquent than I will come and post to remind you of that.
Now suck it up soldier, or suck it down if it's that beer you are holding and hang in there. There is no timeframe on getting a clue you know. Some of our mutual friends took almost a year and a half to get one and some of us are STILL trying to get one.
Just take care man and you aren't alone in these difficult times. People are their for you as you have been THERE for them.
Take care and Peace Norm...peace.
E
Re:slipping into oblivion Bug: We are all here for you Pic. None of us would think less of your advice because you are struggling too. Its part of the process. Your keeping busy because thats what you have to do to make life go on.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Click More for the next page.
