Re: separated too achingallover: Inebr - I hear ya. This is not easy and I don't think anyone has any idea how this is supposed to go here, as it is such a different, personal thing for everyone. If I had a dime for everytime I have said to my stbx, friends, therapist "I have no idea what I"m doing here! I've never been divorced! I don't have a script to follow!" then I would be a very rich woman. My stbx today took my last bit of security away. He decided he was not going into mediation with me and we are to get lawyers and he is going to lie about how much he makes and have out tax returns to back it up becuase we set up a deduction system with the accountant that will make this all the more difficult. I am coming to the point that there is absultely nothing I can do here. This is his choice, his doing. I have to go to the place where I say to myself "you are gonna be just fine" because I will! I mean, it's the truth! And you know what, with the feather situation, YOU WILL BE JUST FINE TOO!!! Truly, you can only do what you can do to balance this. You can't make yourself crazy trying to play the game of "well, if I do this..then he'll do that....if I say this, then he'll say that..." Becuase emotions are so high and each of you has your view of what happened, you can't even play the chess game here. It will only make you crazy. That's why I say, really, stick to you and your needs in this. Make them clear. You CANNOT predict his reponse to this, and you can't do anything to change it. It's crazy making. Once again, really try to do this with a therapist with him. If you can't, you might write down what it is you want to say to him - practice it with your friends/therapist, and then just read it right off the paper to him. This way, it's organized, it stops you from adding in anything emotional that you hadn't intended...it's just good so you know what you want to say and you say it exactly as you'd like. Then, after that, let the chips fall as they may. You can do this. You really can. I'm rooting for you all the way! This will be a HUGE developmental step and your future with this person or another will only benefit from you standing up for yourself!
I'm here if you need. :)
Steph
