Re:Do you consider your marriage a success or a failure? RecoveringinDE: I agree with Greta. The union failed, not the people. If you are not right for each other, no matter how much you think you are in the beginning, the relationship will fail. But, NEVER is the person (either of them)
RiDE
Re:Do you consider your marriage a success or a failure? jen: I can't look at my marriage and say that it succeeded. On the other hand, it is so hard to look at it and say that it failed either. Because I feel like if I say that it failed, I have to also say that not only did he fail in it, but I did as well.
Regarding "The union failed, but not the people." It takes the people to give to the union and to the union work, so if the union fails, it is because the people failed the union somehow and maybe each other. Not saying that the individuals are failures as human beings by any means, only that the union failed to get what it needed to survive. Sometimes that may be caused by not being right for each other, but most of the time, it has to do with the people and the actions that one or both of them take or do not take. Sometimes what the union needs may be too high a price to pay and sometimes the people or one of the persons involved don't value the union enough to give it, etc. etc. etc.
As I look back over this, it seems that I am going round and round and round on this. ??? Now I've gone and confused myself.
Re:Do you consider your marriage a success or a failure? RecoveringinDE: [quote"> Regarding "The union failed, but not the people." It takes the people to give to the union and to the union work, so if the union fails, it is because the people failed the union somehow and maybe each other.[/quote">
I can't really agree with this one. I don't think they failed each other. I think they failed themselves. One thing I've gotten from my marriage/separation is, you have to remain true to yourself. No one can help you but yourself.
I will agree that at times the union may not get what it needs, but, that is also the individual following their needs. (see above response)
RiDE
Re:Do you consider your marriage a success or a failure? jen: [quote author=RecoveringinDE link=board=20;threadid=5100;start=0#msg39791 date=1099013754">
I don't think they failed each other. I think they failed themselves. One thing I've gotten from my marriage/separation is, you have to remain true to yourself. No one can help you but yourself.
[/quote">
You're absolutely right. We each have to help ourselves and be true to ourselves.
But when we aren't honest with ourselves and each other, I guess I have been seeing that as failing the other person in the marriage as well as oneself.
Re:Do you consider your marriage a success or a failure? whythisnow: MySTBX called it a "FAILURE"....
"YOU FAILED,” she screamed in that accusatory tone. I took another sip of my Starbuck's Coffee knowing I was safe in a public place. I stared into her sad brown eyes and told her "No, I am not done yet. This is a lesson in how not to be married and someday I might have a chance to succeed with someone that does love me as much as I love her". Just a few months ago I would do anything to keep her happy but looking at her I know she is gone and the love I had for her melted away like frost in October sunlight. I was calm and she was erratic and flailing to get a spark out of me. She wanted to engage in a confrontation and make a "Jerry Springer-like” scene in Starbuck's but I would not bite. My cold blue eyes watched calmly as she maneuvered for another attack. She could no longer hurt me and she was angry. I know it will be a long drawn out battle that will cost each of us everything we own but at stake was the welfare of my children and I knew what must be done. I could no longer take the easy way out and give her what she wanted. I now had to stand up and say "NO" it will be my way and I will spend everything I own and borrow all I can to keep the kids. You will no longer control us and twist us and bully us to do and think like you. I am sorry but the game is up.
"FAILURE? I HAVE NOT YET BEGUN TO FIGHT" !!
I am very active travel Soccer Coach and ASM in Scouting. More is learned from a losing a soccer game then a complete blow out win. We went three seasons without a loss. When we did loose some of my players actually cried. I told them they played with passion and heart and can walk away knowing they gave 100% and now we have something we can work on to improve. On a camping trip once a year a patrol will forget something, food, tent, water, etc.... and have a lousy week-end. They have to beg from other patrols and eat leftovers. But, a patrol of boys will never forget the same thing twice.
Bottom line::> We all learned something really important and will not make the same mistake twice (I hope). We all lost time, some of us have great kids to walk away with but the pain and sorrow is/was real.
Was it a failure ---- Failure = not achieving a set goal.
What was the goal = happily married for life like a TV sitcom?
So yes it was a failure. Like Quasi said about Edison. Or the fact that a child will fall hundreds of time until they learn how to walk.
If you can walk around then you failed before and got over that trauma then you can get over this one as well.
FIDO
(F it Drive On)
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