D-Day +1 cloud: Yesterday certainly came and went fast.
The divorce was granted by the judge and I returned to work.
Last night, I ordered a pizza, drank some beer, and watched Van Helsing on video.
My ex called last night to see how I felt about the divorce and to put my daughter on the phone. I didn't know what so say. I said "I thought it went fine, I don't know what to think about it, really."
I talked to my daughter some, which made me sad and happy, and then we ended the call.
I went back to the movie and a friend called.
He had two tickets to Avril Lavigne.
Okay, I'm nearly 34. It's 8pm on a Monday.
Anyway, I went. Why not? It was a surreal experience being surrounded by a bunch of 12-18 year old girls who probably were wondering if I was chaperoning someone.
Not really my crowd and I only knew a few songs. She certainly can sing, however. I was glad I went--sort of a spontaneous thing and my friend wanted to cheer me up some.
So today, I wake up and I feel kind of down.
My ex emails to talk about visitation and she mentions that she and my daughter (at my daughter's request) want to make something for my birthday. I really don't want anything from my ex--even if it's through the work of my daughter and her. My ex said she wanted to do it with our daughter to show my daughter that she still cares for me.
At 2.5 years old, I'm not sure that it would have much of an impact one way or another. But I kept my mouth shut because there's no point in making any noise just cause I'm sad. I'll just have to suck it up and smile at my daughter when I open it. And I know someone would say "don't think about it, it's from your daughter, not your ex-wife." That's true. But I just want to be left alone from her--no interference, no gifts, no communication unless it pertains to the welfare of our daughter.
I am drinking out of the mug that my daughter and I made for my birthday. We went to a pottery place and painted a mug and then they fire it up in a kiln. It looks great. I'll be taking it back home to wrap it up with my daughter, so she can give that to me as well.
I just wish I could go away for a long time with frequent visits from my daughter---and no interference or contact from my ex or her family. They all mean well and they are all past this divorce. I just need the distance to find myself and find the peace that my ex seems to have achieved.
Re:D-Day +1 brokenman: I worried about the situation you are in, and luckily I was able to avoid it... but my daughter is 10. If you haven't been able to communicate your feeling about this to your ex adequately you might try again. I'd explain that I would be doing nothing for her on her birthday. If your daughter wants to make something she will do it unassisted. If she wants to buy something she will earn the money. Then I'd hope she responds in kind. I know 2.5 yrs is rather young for that kind of thing, but your daughter will be 10 someday. So, it will work in the future.
I won't tell you to suck it up and pretend it was only from your daughter. Although, you cannot ignore the fact that she wanted to do something for you. If my ex had any hand in the things I received I'd chuck them out. I explained my position up front, and so far so good. But something hand-made from my daughter with my ex's assistance... ouch, I don't envy your position at all.
Also, for my birthday, my daughter goes out with her uncle or grandma to get something with money given from me (earned by her). I would expect she does the same with my ex.... frankly I don't know what they do.
Re:D-Day +1 twetifb: You'll find the peace...it just takes time.
Just a thought...accept the gift your ex and daughter make for you with an open mind and open heart. You and this woman share a daughter together and the rest of your lives will be better if you both can some how get past this and build a civil and comfortable relationship. I'm not saying that you have to be friends with her. I'm saying that as your daughter grows up she needs to know that her parents can be in the same room together, can have a civilized conversation, and that they can sometimes all even get together as a family. I cannot stress enough how important that is for your little girl! I've answered your posts in the past; I'm a daughter of parents who divorced when I was 2. I have basically lived two very separate lives because my parents couldn't be civil to each other. It made things like sporting events and graduations very difficult. I hated sharing what I did with one parent to the other because you could see something in their eyes. I've never been sure if it was hurt, anger, etc but I always noticed. Then I learned to keep my mouth shut or show less enthusiasm. I'm telling you this because your daughter will probably be able to tell when she's a little older if you two truly get along or if it's just an act. You're fortunate that she's probably young enough where she won't actually remember this particular event or prior to, but she will most definitely remember everything from here on forward.
Just a suggestion!
Re:D-Day +1 Beren: D-Day + 21 here. When I find myself in a weird, uncomfortable, or painful position, I sometimes find myself smiling and saying to myself, "Welcome to Day N," whatever N happens to be. For example, I wake up on a stranger's couch with a dry mouth, a splitting headache, and hair that looks like roadkill, and say, "Welcome to Day 5."
I'm not saying it helps. Anyway, welcome to Day 1. I hope Day 2 is better for you.
Quasi-Evil Beren
