Non Marrital property Bob: I live in a state that indicates that what was yours before the marriage stays yours after the marriage ends and what you purchased together is shared. Since I was married for less than one year, we only had one shared band account and i gave her half of it. Today her attoney sent me a letter and asked for the car she is driving and a speedy divorce with no other request for property. The car is all paid for, by me, before we were married and titled in my name. It's worth aout $10k and I'm not sure what to do. She also has 7k in rings that I don't expect to see. She works full-time and makes decent money but was in big debt when I met her. We sold her car and paid it to her dept and she drove my car. All of this was before I was married. I also owned my home before we were married. I'm not sure what to do because although I would like this to be simple, I still think we need to slow down before getting the divorce finalized. What's the rush? Even if we date other people, we might learn more about what we had together. If I don't agree to their proposal, they can make me spend some money to attorney's to defend my other stuff. Is it worth it? I'm thinking of writing her attorney to indicate that I need more time. Any suggestions?
Re: Non Marrital property Bob: UPDATE
I agreed to give her the car and she agreed to go to one counseling session. What suggestions does anyone have to encourage her to continue the counseling and how do I find the right counselor. I want someone who will not talk about religous reasons for us to work things out and I want the counselor to encourage her to continue counseling.
Re: Non Marrital property Anna: Hi Bob -
I'm wondering if it was your idea to get a divorce. Are you not sure if you want one? Is she? Is that why you want counseling? It sounds like you could both benefit from that. Good luck! (And it sounds like giving her the car was a good plan!)
Anna
Re: Non Marrital property Bob: Anna
It was not my idea to get a divorce or to seperate. I was very surprised by all of it. She went to her parents and said that she wasn't happy, they told her to move out. She went to her parents recently to say that she has had second thoughts, they were adamant about her going through with the divorce. I don't know what I did to them, I'm not jewish that could have something to do with it. Or it maybe that her parents think that she was never unhappy before and since they are divorced it seems like the only solution. It maybe that they have had a need to control their daughters actions. I don't know what it is, I want counseling because we both miss each other and neither of us know why were about to get divorced. She thinks that her parents have her best interest in mind and is afraid to take a stand when she's still not sure about this situation.
Re: Non Marrital property claire: Bob,
Boy - you've got several things to think about. It sounds like your wife should listen to her own heart instead of her parents - one of the hardest things to do is trust yourself, but sounds like she should give that a try. Also, I wonder why you want the counseling so badly that you're willing to give her whatever she asks for (the car). Do you think that she would have gone to the counseling if you didn't give her the car? I don't know you (obviously) but I think you should discuss with her whether she wants to be married to you and, if so, why she needs the promise of a car to make her willing to work on the marriage. As for all those property issues you raised, I think that you could have kept the car (since it's pre-marital and in your name) as well as the house. I could see her asking for return of any mortgage payments she helped you make, but even that might be tough to recover in court. Although you sound like a reasonable person who has committed to a marriage and wants to work it out, please try to take care of yourself financially - don't give up too much in the hopes that it work out because you'll be hurt emotionally and financially if it doesn't. Money CANNOT buy happiness and you shouldn't let your marriage fall apart while holding onto your wallet, but it shouldn't require you giving up whatever material/financial stability you've created for yourself in order for your marriage to work. My husband told me after two months of marriage (5 yrs. dating) that he wanted a divorce and I thank God I never added his name to the mortgage on our house - I would have to fight with him over who can live there. At least now I can go through this in the comfort of MY home, without having to worry about my financial standing on top of everything else. Good luck, I hope things work out for the best.
