Re: Does Trust Die Forever? atd74: Trust is such a delicate thing to break in a relationship and such a hard thing to regain once it's lost. I know that I trusted my ex completely and the one thing he always said to me from the very beginning of our relationship was that he would never lie to me and always be honest with me (and I'm not talking stupid white lie stuff, I'm talking about things that matter). In the end one of our major fallouts was because he lied to me, snuck behind my back and what made it worse were his promises of being faithful to me and telling me he'd never betray me in that way and how he prided himself on always being so truthful. Yet, he ended up doing exactly what he said he never would.
I could never forgive him for those lies and couldn't find it in my heart to trust him ever and I was always thinking about what he was lying to me about... so IMO in most relationships, depending on what trust was broken, it's a hard thing to regain but I think with some people there's a slim chance that it could happen.
It all depends on what you are willing to do to gain her trust back - as someone else said you will have to be absolutely truthful down to the littlest issue... she may put you through the ringer and it still may not end up bringing her trust back...
Re: Does Trust Die Forever? achingallover: For me and my stbx, trust is at the crux of our problem - oh ya, and the fact that he's psycho too! ;D But honestly, I totally understand your question, Jernigan. I have the same one. I can tell you in our relationship, it's like trust was broken little by little due to bad communication. Our whole cycle was based upon him not thinking that my actions matched my intentions. When I would try to ask him quesitons of why he felt a certain way, he would take that as me invalidating him. He couldn't trust that I was truly just trying to understand so I might be able to change our faulty dynamic, since he would never agree to go to couples therapy with me. Why wouldn't he agree? I think because he was terrified to be vulnerable in front of me due to lack of trust. It was a very bad cycle. Now, we are in the thick of everything and the whole trust issue is major. As a matter of fact, he threatened me this morning with getting a lawyer and said I would "end up with nothing" because I asked him a simple quesiton last night about wanting to work out what the living arrangements are going to be until everything is organized and written down by the mediator. In asking that question, somehow, to him, he was threatened. Why? Lack of trust. I dunno. I know exactly how you feel though. It's a very tricky thing - communication and trust. Especially since, sometimes, as much as you try, the other person simply can't hear you. I say some distance is the key. If you guys are in as rough a spot as I am right now, I can't imagine ever trusting this person again. Ever - especially what he's put me though. But perhaps earlier on, I could have redeveloped this over time with alot of space. But in my particular sitaution, he doesn't see any problem in our dynamic - he just thinks we've grown apart. He is not interested in working on us. But if both parties are interested, I think it can be done - how? Time and good communciation. Good luck to you!
Re: Does Trust Die Forever? barelybreathing: Trust is something we humans build and tear down and rebuild again at times.
I think this Jernigan, I don't think you two should completely trust one another the way you did before. Why? Well, when you blindly trust you get comfortable, when you are comfortable you become lazy and where there is laziness you neglect and fail to nurture. It is a recipe for problems.
I think you need to stay on your toes some in a relationship. Not to say to not trust you partner but just don't overtrust them. There is a difference.
With time and action and work, you two CAN rebuild yoru relationship and learn to trust again. It is possible. But it takes alot of effort to reap the benefits.....
BB
Re: Does Trust Die Forever? Elskeren:
I guess you can trust again if you fully understand the circumstances that led your partner to lie to you in the first place? My ex had betrayed my trust once (not sexually nor an affaire but in a different matter) and put me in a lot pain, but I was able to forgive her because I knew that the circumstances that drove her to betray me were unique. So, it is a matter of rationalizing it sometimes really. Now, if you discover that your partner can not be trusted because this his/her nature, then you better not look for trust with them anymore, otherwise you may lose trust in yourself one day.
Elsk.
Re: Does Trust Die Forever? bendeceived2003: Whether or not trust can be regained is an interesting area. My husband was dishonest about our finances, had the bills sent to his work (but never paid them) and becuase of that and other things (mostly that), today we are staring bankruptcy in the face. I tell you, I was raised that you DO NOT declare bankruptcy. So, for me, this has been so hurtful and painful..........
One thing I have learned, sadly. I will never, never, never, never, never, never (I think we get the point) sign my name to financial things with another person (how sad). He may change, but I am going to protect myself from here on out....
I am learning to crawl again when I used to walk.
Now, all of the sudden, he seems to be becoming Mr. Responsible. I really believe it is becuase he knows that he alone will be responsible for himself!!! I think he is petrified. You see, he would poo poo, and call good ol Bendeceived to clean it up. "Let's see how we can pay it," "Well, let's think about what we can de" became two favorite phrases (although the we usually meant me doing the thinking)
Yes, he may change, and I HOPE that he does, at least for his own good......
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