Re: inlaws Marb_Man: Yes, it will be very hard to not be rude to them when and if they ever decide to poke their heads into the boy's life.
I guess the yearly delivered passes at Christmas to the theme park from their grandma make up for their absence every year. We always go at least one time. What is sad is that they finally realized there daughter never went with the kids and I as of a couple of years ago and figured they mise well only send the three of us the passes and left her out because she never went anywhere fun with the boys and me anyway.
The thought of her own parents taking for granted their daughter never hangs out with the family was clearly a sign of her involvement with our lives. ::) :(
Re: inlaws churchy: I think a relationship with the inlaws can be done. I was always close to my ex's siblings, his sister in particular, and I have managed to keep a relationship going. And I have spoken with his parents a couple of times. They have been pleasantly surprised that I have kept in touch. My ex is "burning bridges" with his family.
I don't know how long I will keep in touch with the parents, but I hope to keep in touch with his sister for a long time. She is a great person, and I really love her kids, and would love to still be considered an "aunt".
Re: inlaws hopeful: I am very lucky. My in-laws have been amazing. They are very supportive of me. The love their son very much, but they don't agree with what he is doing. I know blood is thicker than water...but I have always been very close to them and they want what is best for both of us. I still see my in-laws at least once a week. I consider them to be my second set of parents...and they think of me as their daughter. The key is to keep my relationship with them separate from their relationship with their son. I will probably become more like a neice or something to them. It does hurt when they tell me I need to move on and find someone new...but I know they just want me to be happy. They are so sweet they even tell me "We will still be the grandparents to your children...even if our son isn't the dad." I know my realtionship with them will change as time goes by, but I hope to always have them in my life. I think it would hurt almost just as much to loose them as it did my husband. They have been my family for almost 7 years. So I consider myself very lucky in that respect.
Re: inlaws yeffer: Hopeful,
That's the way I feel about my inlaws also. I do hope to have them in my life and I completely understand that the relationship will have to be seperate from that of there son. Thank you so much for helping me to see that I'm not the only one in this situation and that maybe we can kepp the family the we've grown to love in our years with them.
Well good luck to you.
Yeff
Re: inlaws efem: Yeffer,
When I went thru my divorce last summer, my in-laws were very torn cause I loved them very much. My wife and I separated in Feb of '02 and for 4 months I would frequently contact her mom. She is a very cool person, so my ex probably was adopted. ;)
I was in their family for about 10 years... that's a long time. For holidays we would prioritize her family first, as well as birthdays, gatherings, etc... Most of my family is out of state, so that might be another reason why we were very close also.
There came a point where I didn't want to contact her family thru the holidays... it was too painful. I was a big piece of their family, so any contact with them would have been devastating to both of us. I felt like I needed to move on... That feeling was validated when I saw my ex's brother a couple of weeks ago. We went to a hockey game and tipped some cold ones. He then preceeded to tell me of my ex's new life with the guy she cheated on me with. They now live together since he relocated from a different state.
I mean that info. slipped out, but it set me back a ways. What I'm saying is, it's okay to contact them thru the divorce and a little afterwards. When you are ready to fully go on with your life, then you need to let them go. It's more for your sake then anything else. It will make sense to you when you come to that decision, cause you have nothing that ties you guys together anymore.
- efem
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