Re:Friend troubles janee: I already had an idea who would stay friends with me while I was married. Other "friends" took my STBX's side or just disappeared. That tells me who my real friends are. Since they chose that route, then I want nothing to do with them. A couple of friends told me to contact them after everything is resolved, which is more than fine because I don't want to involve them in my problems. I know I need to make new friends. But while going through this tough time, I am not in a sociable mood. I visit my close friends, or talk to my longdistance close friends, but I am pretty much a loner right now. Essentially, its been weeding people out. Those friends you had may have been great, but do you want to be friends with people who are going to abandon you during this tough time? If they were true friends, they would take the time to call or drop an email to say hi. That's what I am learning. Its a harsh reality, but unfortunately during times like divorce, people take sides or just disappear. I am realizing its most likely for the better and its the only way to truly move on. If you have one friend during this tough time, you are doing fine. Hang in there and good luck.
Re:Friend troubles bamboo: Any major change in life really helps you find out who your true friends are. I lost almost all my "couple" friends. They live closer to the stbx and it is fine with me really. I had 3 really close "single" friends that didn't really know my stbx, and they pretty much bailed on me right from the beginning of the separation. I wasn't all emotional around them either. I don't even think I acted depressed or cried around any of my friends when I told them what was going on. I guess we just drifted apart and they didn't want to get involved.
Now the friends that I have left I know are true friends. They will always be there for me no matter what.
Take this time and try and make new friends. You may find better friendships now by starting fresh. Hang in there.
Re:Friend troubles Sharp: In my case, my ex was the one left friendless and virtually familyless (if that's a word) from his actions and our split-up. I have a different situation however. My best friend of 20 years got involved with a former friend of mine. When I was still married to my ex, she and he had words, and I stopped getting along with her "man" but we made a vow to each other that we'd be friends forever no matter what! Now, he's (her guy) harrassing me (bear in mind he is seriously mentally ill and has been diagnosed as so) and she is plannign on marrying him. I left her a message after he strted this because he was using all of her screenames and e-mail and everything, and I thought he had done something to her (he also has a history of violence). She called me back and told me everything was okay and shewas okay, so I asked her to call me when he wasn't around. Her response to me is he is always around her. Now he sent me another message that HE WON! Obviously he is completely controlling her and trying to end my friendship with her, and I dont know what to do! Any suggestions?
Re:Friend troubles janee: I hate to tell you this, but since your friend is choosing to be with this nutjob, there is really nothing you can do. My suggestion is to give your friend resources to stay in a shelter for women escaping abusive men. And see if she will get some counseling. You may have to keep a low profile since he is harassing you. Sounds like a dangerous situation. I would cut off contact, until you know for sure both of you are safe. And get a restraining order against him. If he is being this abusive to you, who knows what he is doing to your friend. She needs to figure out an escape plan, if she is ready to leave him for good. If she calls, listen, and encourage her to get some counseling. I would call your local womens crisis line and ask for referrals for your friend. Unfortunately, I had to cut off a friend because she went back to her abusive husband. It sucked, but I have to live my life too. What he is doing to your friend is isolation, typical pattern of an abusive relationship. Hope this somewhat helps. Good luck and hang in there.
