Couldn't Take Anymore DidIt4Me: I don't really know where to start. The saga of my best friend. We became friends at work in 1998. We've become closer and closer over the years. From the birth of her first son to her wedding, second child, now divorce, and dating. She refers to me as if I am a big sister to her. I'm a few years older than her and when it comes to life in general been through so much to share with her.
She shut me out a month after my wedding. I spent over a year without even knowing why. It had to do with my ex, of course. I fought long and hard to get her back into my life, to let her know that I needed her and wanted her friendship. When I filed for divorce she decided to file too. It was great to know what we were feeling wasn't abusrd, we were huge support for eachother. It's been 9mths since we began this. I've progressed a bit faster in the divorce area, b/c she is co-dependant and was afriad to leave. I've tried to help her, but she kept hurting me in the process. I stopped being motherly and tried to be more of a friend. It worked for sometime. People are drawn to us when we are together, something about us.
Since the divorce started I have watched her go through 6 men. Searching for companionship, in fear of being alone. Frustrating for me b/c with each one she pushed me further and further away. The last four months have been hell. We have had some good days but mostly bad. I finally deciced after our scream session this morning, that I am done. I can't continue a one sided friendship, waiting for her to participate. She had asked me to stick it out, she knows she being a bad friend. But she so self absorbed it's to the point of hurt. I can't do it anymore. I ended it this morning. In EMAIL. Why, b/c she avoids my calls in effort to avoid the confrontation with me. I finally pinned her down and made her hear me. She lied to me just to get off the phone. As if her hurt was more important than mine.
My sadness stems from, I've shared so much where do I go from here? I feel like I missed the best friend boat. Everyone around me has "best friends" I have friends, lots, but will I have the chance to have a best friend again? Women have friends for years, invest a lot of time and emotion, will someone give me that opportunity this late in life?
Who stands up at my wedding and says how they knew the bride and groom from the first minute? Who does my first child call auntie? Who's going to share those moments and be there entirely? I had hoped it would be her, but she won't make the effort. As much as I asked her to, she was always too busy for me. Like we all don't have a lot going on, I guess her life is just so much more important than anyone else's. She expected me to wait around and deal withe the hurt she dished out.
where do I go from here?
Re: Couldn't Take Anymore Marb_Man: Dear didIt4Me,
I know where you are coming from...I had a best friend a long time ago that just spent his time hanging around me for one reason...To screw my s2bxw... I would honor him today with the what a Great friend award for the most likely to screw you over and drive a huge knife thru your back and out the other side with a couple of twists....Son of a ***ch.
Man am I angry today or what... ;D
Re: Couldn't Take Anymore soulsearching: Didit4me,
In 1998 my very best friend was diagnosed with skin cancer and was told she'd be lucky to live one more year. I questioned the same things you are questioning about losing your best friend then. I felt like I would be losing one of my limbs if I lost her. I thought the same things that you did...like who will be my best friend now?? Who will understand me like she did? I was a mess wondering how I would go on without her the rest of my life. I have other best friends but she was the one that I've known my whole life. The one who I shared everything with. The only person I thought I could truly count on.
Well, that was 4 1/2 ago and she is now healthy as can be. (Actually getting ready to have a baby in a few weeks!) She overcame the cancer. The doctors think it was truly a miracle. I am thankful everyday that we didn't lose her! I just wanted to share this with you and let you see that you haven't truly lost your best friend. Try to give your relationship some time to heal. I think from what you say that you don't really want to walk away. You are right, best friends are hard to come by and worth saving. Maybe you should give it space for now but try not to think it's a total loss. You are both going through a very tough time and it's hard to maintain relationships with other people when you are troubled over divorce. Sometimes I get upset with my closest friends just because they offer advice that they know nothing about or just because they don't understand what it's like to be in the middle of a divorce. They try to, but they don't. (Until I found ojar I didn't know anyone going through what I was going through.) Now when I feel frustrated with my friends, I find that not calling them for a few days takes care of the problem. SPACE-- it's a wonderful thing! Anyways, I am rambling now, but think about it and GOOD LUCK! :)
