Sticky Situation?? down2basics: Ok ya'll - I am in some real need for help here...I hope ya'll understand what I'm about to write...I hope I do too! ha!
Ok...you all know I'm divorced, have been for almost a year and now have a bf...
Well...there is now what I consider a major problem with the bf. He is SUPER critical of my son. When I say Super..I mean it! He rarely, I mean if ever!! says anything nice about my boy. He constantly says negative things to me about him...pointing out every flaw the boy has.
My daughter on the other hand, has him wrapped around her pinky toe! He is putty in her hands where she's concerned. She does no wrong...is the most beautiful, intelligent and talented child on the planet to hear him tell it.
My son, however, is from what I've heard, a complete loser! THIS DOESN'T WORK FOR ME! That is my child, for good or bad. He is my flesh and blood and I cry almost everytime my bf says anything about him. I've gotten super sensitve and defensive about my son. I am constantly taking up for him when I can and he is dogging him at every turn.
Why? Why does he do this? Why can't he love my son like he does my daughter? They have never clashed...in fact, my bf avoids my son as much as possible and when they do talk, he's constantly giving him "constructive" critizism.
What am I going to do here? I don't want to lose my bf, but I will not choose him over my baby boy!
:'(
:-[
:'(
Re: Sticky Situation?? hurtingverymuch: Yikes d2b that is a sticky situation! I'm sorry that you're going through this over and above everything else you've gone through.
Have you ever talked to your bf about this? If you haven't would he be receptive and calm to talk about it? Could you maybe have your bf and son do something together like go to a movie or a sporting event or something like that so he can see can see how great your son is?
Sorry, :-/ as you can tell I'm not real great at giving advice. But I am so with you on "this not working for you". I'm sorry that you're in this predicament and hope that you won't be put in a position to make a choice.
I truly hope everything works out for you. IM me if you want to.
My thoughts and heart are with you.
Hugs
Hurt
Re: Sticky Situation?? down2basics: Hey Hurt!
Thank you so much for your support! You'll never know how much it means to me! Truly! I cried when I read your reply, mainly because it was so touching to me!
My son...my baby boy...I've been overcompensating for the things he lacks in his life for his entire life...since he was born! I've protected him, babied him, went the extra mile to be absolutely sure that he wanted for nothing and that he knew that he was loved. The two main people in my son's life is me (of course) and my father. We have stood on our heads for him...so to speak.
My daughter has never lacked for anything either. She's been coddled since she got here as well...but she is 180 degrees different from my son.
I've always been disappointed in my X for his "fathering" skills. He's rarely gotten involved in their little lives. Only since I divorced him has he been vollying for candidate of "Father of the Year" award! Ugh! ::) Now he decides to get involved. He micro manages me anyway when it comes to the kids....acting like he sooo cares! Whatever!
Then I find a man who makes me laugh, makes me feel like a woman and treats me like a queen...but scoffs at my son. WTH? ??? This isn't right! My bf has no children of his own and is 47 years old. He doesn't understand the agony and pain you feel when your child is hurt, nor does he know the pride and love you feel when your child soars! He tries to be objective when it comes to them and predicts what's coming up next...sometimes he's right...but I can't help but believe that he's wrong about my son. I've spoken to him about it once, and he got very VERY defensive about it. He ranted for five hours about how he does not hate my son and how I misinterpret his intentions. Yeah - RIGHT! How can anybody be sooo negative about someone they care about?
There was a poem I posted on Old Shoes thread...called "My Baby Boy and Me". I think that pretty much sums up what I feel for my son. I just wish my bf felt a little of it!
Always,
d2b
Re: Sticky Situation?? Old_Shoes: This is one of the things that bothers me looking into the future. The whole mixed family thing. How will she accept my children? How will I accept her children? There is a connection when your child is born that another person can't feel. When mine were born I was overwhelmed by feelings that someone new didn't experience.
In your situation I have to wonder about a few things. He's 47 and doesn't have any children. Some people just aren't interested in having kids. It may be an uphill battle trying to change your boyfriend into a caring parental role.
I don't think I would tolerate someone dogging either of my kids. It is such a negative impact on a child to be around someone who is never satisfied with them. Maybe your boyfriend has issues from his upbringing, who knows, just be careful.
Re: Sticky Situation?? justmenow: I totally agree with Old_Shoes. BFs can be replaced, but a child's self-esteem is priceless. Protect your children at all costs. If the BF knows you're willing to plant your foot in his backside over this he will either leave willingly, or try a lot harder with your son. Either way, your son wins.
I've gotten so picky about who I will allow into mine and my children's lives, that I wonder if such a person exists. If not, I guess I'll be alone forever. :(
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