Re: Sticky Situation?? down2basics: Wow! JMN and Old_Shoes - THANKS!!! Big Time...
I agree with you both - TOTALLY! That's why it's such an issue with me. I truly care about this man, but that is MY KID! He doesn't understand the bond which obviously Old Shoes does as well as JMN and several others here. He's never experienced it, and if he stays with me, probably never will. I really don't want to add to the load I'm already carrying if you know what I mean.
I am being extremely careful and have limited the contact that is between my bf and my kids. The only time he sees them is when he comes over for dinner one night/week. I monitor every move he makes...is that bad?
I can't understand why he is sooooo hard on my son, but soooo easy on my daughter. They came from the same place *LOL*!!! Is it just a man thing? You know, gotta make my son into a man kinda philosphy? I don't understand....
Thanks again for the help guys! You'll never know how much I needed it and appreciate it!
Hugs!
d2b
Re:Sticky Situation?? DaisyGarden: So how are things going? Are they any better? Very tough situation! I guess if it were me, and I was watching a boyfriend treat my child like a 'loser', I think my feelings would change real quick towards my bf. Now remember I'm only guessing here as I'm not even ready for a relationship yet. But, I'm all my little girl has, and I think I'd also choose to be alone, over having to 'watch' a bf and make sure he's not hurting my child emotionally. I hope things are going better for you.
Re:Sticky Situation?? down2basics: Hello Daisy-thank you for caring! It truly means a lot to me - Ojar has been a real lifesaver for me! ;D
As for the situation - it seems to be improving. Since my son has joined football, his entire personality has changed - FOR THE BETTER! He's far more confident in himself and has a really great bunch of friends surrounding him - so it's better all the way around.
Also, J's got to re-evaluate if this is truly what he wants - he has to accept the whole package or keep on walkin'....so...he's doing some soul searching. I think he didn't realize what a responsibility it would be to step into this very tightly knit family....we welcome him with open arms, but we are very protective of each other. I guess that's bad in a way...but it's the only way I know to survive as a family. Any suggestions?
Hugs!
d2b
Re:Sticky Situation?? inebr: d2b,
I don't have kids of my own but speaking from the standpoint of the kid that was *detested* by stepmothers (2 of em), I have to say, please try to resolve this situation in a way that doesn't allow your bf to give ANY MORE criticism to your son and also doesn't allow your son to get the idea he has control over your love life. Ugh, I'm sorry this is happening. I know too well step families and the stress that can come about.
Re:Sticky Situation?? newman4ever: Hi D2B,
I thought I'd throw my hat into the ring on this one, since I have 2 boys myself and can relate to what you're saying. When I was first going thru my divorce, I read something somewhere, and darn it if I can't remember where. It basically pertained to the situation you're going thru and how to most effectively deal with it. If I remember correctly, the basic gist of it was that by defending your child to him, you could actually be exasperating the situation. Now as a fellow parent, I know that your instinct is to protect your child at all costs. But sometimes, doing that will give the impression to your BF/GF whatever that your easily manipulated & controlled by your child and willl let them get away with anything. Whether or not I agree with that is still up for debate, but the point is that maybe if you don't defend your child so staunchly, but rather let things play out without getting involved, things may smooth over on their own.
The material I read really laid it out in a much clearer way that made alot more sense than the way I'm putting it. and maybe I'm not quite remembering the info accurately. Darn it...sorry if this isn't much help. If I can find where I read this stuff, I'll send it to you. Maybe it'll be helpful.
Having kids certainly can complicate things. And like you, I'd NEVER allow my GF to do anything to hurt my children, and if I had to choose, it would be no competition. My kids come first. But sometimes, as parents, we stand to close to the forest to see the trees, and we need to back up a bit and get a better perspective. Good luck resolving things. I'll keep you posted if I can find where I read this stuff.
Click More for the next page.
