child emotions after visitation LicoriceWhip: I have an observation that I would like others to chime in on.
I have two girls 5 and 2.
Initially after separation, I noticed this trend: mommy would drop them off and they would be a wreck for some time afterward. But, I would bring them to her and they would be bouncing, happy, whatever; they would literally disappear when I wanted to say my goodbyes.
Now, mommy drops them off and they are bouncy, happy and need to be rounded up for goodbyes. When I drop them off, they show timidity, and, when I finally do leave, they break down (at least that is what I see as I leave).
Is this some sort of circular behavior that I might be witnessing?
Just wondering what others might have seen.
LW
Re: child emotions after visitation hdad: I have a 3 1/2 year old boy.Through out the time his mother and I were together I was the primary caregiver (I managed nightclubs at night,Mr. Mom by day)so he and I are very close.I say all this not to sound like the worlds greatest dad but just to show I am a very involved father.Even so according to my s2bx my son never wants to come see me.He whines and complains and says he wants to stay home.But when he is with me , which is 2 days a week, he never wants to leave." I want to stay with you all the days" is what I always hear. A different situation then yours but I think the same in that they (the kids)are struggling to come to terms with the divorce as well.The children are the big losers in all this.We lose our spouses but can find someone new.The kids for good or bad lose their families.So are you seeing some sort of cycle?I think so.Somedays we all need our dads some our moms.As parents all we can do is try to understand the confusion that our children are going through and be there for them.I know you are.
Re: child emotions after visitation LicoriceWhip: Well, if it is a cycle, this is the first time round.
I am just unable to comprehend why the turnaround after the better part of a year doing the "cry when mommy leaves us" thing.
LW
Re: child emotions after visitation down2basics: If I may add my two cents worth....
Little girls are so very different...daddy is their hero...their idol...the rock in the storm they cling to.
Daddy is the word of an idol on a little girls lips. Anyone woman here can probably tell you that her daddy was the most wonderful man on the planet and many women marry men who are a lot like their daddy's. I know, speaking only for myself, I think my dad is probably the most wonderful man who's ever been in my life. He's the only one who hasn't abandoned me, who's always been there to help me through whatever crisis I've had and who's never judged me. Whew...that was a mouthful wasn't it!?
Licorice....the best advice I can offer to you is to know, no matter what - these emotional outburst will subside once the girls have decided that you are not going to disappear from their world...you're still their daddy and you are still their hero! Nothing you could say or do will change that (short of criminal acts!) Little girls love daddy unconditionally and forever! ;)
Re: child emotions after visitation FunkyDiva: Hi there,
I had the same problem initially. I would pack the suitcase to send them to their fathers for the weekend and they would get upset and then start throwing the clothes out saying that they didn't want to go to daddy's. This went on for a few weeks and they would ring me all weekend when they were with him asking me to come and get them. They continued the behaviour but once he left they would say what a great weekend they had and they missed me. I think children do find it difficult to go to the other parent willingly because they feel that the mother/father they are living with most of the time will get upset that they are so happy to leave them and be with the other parent so act up to show that they will miss you. And then sometimes when the other parent drops them off they reflect the same behavious to make the other parent feel that they are going to be missed. I suppose it is all a part of the not favouring one parent over the other and for small children it is very difficult. My kids are much better now but do have moments where they get upset to leave either one of us. I hope the situation gets better for you.
:)
