Appropriate conversation, and WWYD? LettinGo: Okay guys ... give me your honest opinions here. This is pretty strange. First, I need your take on what my STBX said, then I need your take on how my best friend reacted.
STBX keeps telling me to pick out things for Xmas that I want from the kids. He has been annoying me about this for a while, so I told him that there was these cute PJs that I love (Spongebob - don't laugh - I love Spongebob) ... the conversation shifted from spongebob pajamas to him buying me lingerie. I told him to go ahead and buy it, but I would be wearing it for someone else (JOKING). Then he proceeds to tell me that he was walking by Fredericks the other day and saw this thing in the window and immediately thought how good I would look in it, and said, "That is bad, huh, that I instantly thought of you?". I said, "Really nice, coming from you on your GIRLFRIENDS birthday." (It is the OW's birthday today) Anyway ... it gets better. He tells me to go pick out lingerie and he will buy it, no matter the price, and I have to put it on for him but he won't touch me, and then I can use it with whomever. What??!!? Then he is asking me to please email him my measurements. Lmao! He is going to surprise me with lingerie that I just have to quickly show him.
Strangely enough ... he is SERIOUS. Why on earth would he buy my lingerie to wear for someone else? Why on earth would he expect that I would say YES?? Of course, I am NOT going along with this. However, I thought it was funny in a truly pathetic way. I was hysterical. Is he really that pathetic?
Still laughing, I told my best friend and she had a fit! She's furious at me for "allowing him to degrade me" and talk to me that way. She thinks he is the next Scott Peterson. She wanted to call him and tell him off (and only make a pretty bad situation worse). I am not saying she should be happy ... but why is she so freaked out by this? He is just STUPID!
Or is it something beyond him being a moron that I just don't see??? Honestly???
Kelly
Re:Appropriate conversation, and WWYD? Bug: Maybe people who have never had to deal with true morons just don't know that you can't freak out about the stupid stuff they say or you would never do anything else. ::)
Re:Appropriate conversation, and WWYD? lifechange: Hey Kelly,
Well first of all your stbx sounds like a perv to me! I can't imagine not laughing in his face as he said it.
But more importantly about the friend, I think she is angry out of concern for you. She probably feels the need to be protective of you, and maybe she feels that your stbx's comments were threatening???
lc
Re:Appropriate conversation, and WWYD? brokenman: He is not thinking about you wearing the lingere for someone else. He is thinking about seeing you in it. He made that part of the deal. How easy will it be to sleep with you once you are in lingere for him to look at? Alright, well even if you are against it, how close is he in his mind? Pretty close.
I think there is a sense of ownership that is driving him here. Don't try to make sense out of it. He is living in some fantasy world where he is the object of your desires and the object of his OWs desires. The best thing you could have done was shut him down. He isn't allowed to talk about your sex life or lingere anymore. He isn't in that aspect of your life anymore. Letting him go there just reinforces the idea that he is a stud.
My ex-wife did this too, just different. She wanted to live with the OM and make me the affair. Mostly, I believe that this was just to keep me from moving on. If I was sleeping with her I wasn't going to seek out anyone else. Also, it reaffirmed that she was some godess/diva. She got a really big ego at that point and thought everyone wanted her.
The best thing I did was turn her down. HARD. I cut off all conversation. She quickly reacted since it was apparent that I wanted nothing to do with her. Now when we have to talk it is strictly business. She is out and what I do is none of her business. Oh, and no presents either.
Re:Appropriate conversation, and WWYD? ChristyM: I can relate to this LettinGo. My ex did similar things. I think it's just hard for them to let go and frankly, most of us probably start looking even better to them because we have now become the thing they can't have.
My ex still says he wants to have sex with me (glad I moved a 1,000 miles away) and actually asked if I'd be up for it when home for Thanksgiving. He says it's all he thinks about anymore. I agree with Brokenman though, one time the ex wanted me to show him the bikinis I had purchased for a trip to St. Thomas to give me his opinion as I couldn't decide. I did show him but then he had a really hard time not wanting it to go further. I practically had to fight him off.
I can understand how your friend thought it was degrading, but it's hard to not be pleased that the person that seemed to have an easy time letting you go is now having a hard time of it. I admit it makes me feel a little vindicated whenever my ex tells me he misses me -- both emotionally and physically.
Christy
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