scared of his lies hby216: I am 32 years old and going through a divorce. I was with my s2bx for 10 years. After my son was born my husband and I drifted way apart. He was (as I always said) married to his job. He worked 10-12 hour nights and slept all day. I basically was a single mother even though I was married.
I filed for a divorce a year and a half ago. It has been a nightmare ever since. When we first split up and I moved out he tried to get me back by showing up at my place with flowers and cards and such. After I filed for divorce then things got ugly. He told me he was fighting me for custody of our son. He constantly accuses me of being a bad mother to anyone who will listen. To our son's daycare providers, our son's counsler and even people that he isn't close to. Including my family!! His Mother is just as bad as he is, actually I think she is the one behind everything he does. She has always been able to pull his strings. And now things are getting worse because he is living with his Mother.
Anyway, my biggest fear right now is what he can say to certain people and what can come out of it. Yesterday my son had a doctors appt. for a follow up on an ear infection. Of course my s2bx was there (he insists that he has to be at EVERY appt. my son has) after the appt. was done my x told the doctor he had some questions for her. When she told him to go ahead he said he wanted to wait until I left. I asked why I had to leave and he then claimed it had nothing to with our son (mind you this was our son's doctor) So I left. And I cried and cried because I now am fearing my worst fear. I'm afraid that my x is going to try to make up stuff. Saying maybe that he thinks I'm abusing our son or something. I also know that he had a meeting with our son's therapist yesterday. HELP! Does anyone know how something like this goes about? Will they investigate and find out the truth?! I have never done any harm to my child. I love him more then life itself and that is why I'm trying so hard to be strong through all of this. I'm so afraid of losing him!
Re: scared of his lies Stephanie04: You're in a difficult place. I'm so sorry that this is happening. Do you have any idea of what kind of things he is saying? My best advice would be for you talk this over with your attorney. Ugly divorce games are so unfortunate. I wish that people didn't turn into monsters through this process, which is difficult enough. Just love your son...and try to think rationally about all of this. If you know that what he is saying are all lies, and you know that you're a good mother, then trust yourself! It's easy to let your fear and your imagination take you to dark thoughts.
Re: scared of his lies hby216: You are so true about my fear and imagination taking me to dark thoughts. I KNOW that I am a wonderful Mother to my son and would never in a million years hurt him. And I know that my s2bx knows the same thing about me. But it's still hard when people might even think this. And even if his lies did get investigated I know that nothing would come out of it but it would be so heart wrenching to go through all of that!
I have told my lawyer about all of this. Apparently he can just lie and there is nothing I can do except turn around and tell the truth. It is so very sad that these games are played. Divorce is hard enough without making up things to hurt the other person
Thank you for writting to me.
Re: scared of his lies solo1: Hi - I'm in a similar situation. It's overwhelming to be so afraid of someones power to manipulate and play unfairly. Other people don't understand the irrational fear of the ex's lies, distortions of the truth, demands, veiled threats. I can totally relate to the fear of being accused of things that aren't true. My ex always would take the truth and twist it into something aweful and my fear will always be that he'll do that with my parenting decisions or my life even now. I'm in therapy working on it and it gets better - understand why he does those things helps put take the power out of it. Why don't you try this - I've started doing this and it helps me feel a little more in control: keep a diary of the the events and his behavior. At least if custody becomes an issue you'll have a factual record of events.
