Re: custody fight Poepad: Fight for joint, I had divorced parents, and I wish they would have joint, he will learn how to care for her and she will be a better balance person.
Poe
Re: custody fight luvbai: Shared or joint custody would be best. Don't assume the judge will rule in your favor just because you are the mother. However, it is more common that they do rule for the mother espically when the child is a girl.
But my real question is.... Is their no way you two can settle this without having a stranger rule what is best for your daughter? Does a stranger really know what is best for her? He/she may be a judge, but that doesn't mean they have the market cornered on what's best for children. Really.... I'll keep saying this til you get it. Who knows your daughter better & what is best for her? You? or a Judge?
Shared/joint custoday is that last leap of faith! Last bit of trust you have to dish out. That is unbelievably impossible sometimes, i know, but it is in the best interest of the child (in most cases). Was he a good father? Sounds like he was a bit absent & not real great with $$... but does that make him a bad parent? If he's willing to put the time in & not be that absentee father, who are you to say he can't?
Yes, get a lawyer! Protect your interest, just as long as those are in the best interest of your daughter & not personal gain/satisfaction for you. She(your daughter) is the one that will suffer the most in this whole process. Custody fights are much worse on the children than they are on the parents!
So, hopefully your ex & you can be the grown-ups & keep the best interest of your daughter in mind.
I'm really sorry this sounds so harsh! Just my opinion anyway! I don't know if I'm really a child activist or not. All I know is I would fight not only for my child with everything that I am.... but for all children. Seeing a child in preventable/avoidable pain sickens me. I guess this is just yet another soap box of mine. Again, Colleen, I'm sorry please don't take anything I said personally.
Re: custody fight ginkel: Hi! I have 2 girls of my own and am in a huge custody fight. Why haven't you filed for custody. In order for the judge to rule that she be moved from where she is there has to be a change in circumstances - ie: one of your parents has a substance abuse problem, no room, etc.. Anyway you need to file ASAP. You can get an Order to Show Cause and file for emergency custody if you thinks he'll take her. My husband rents a room from his 2 male cousins and they are bad news. Renting a room will not constitute have a great place for a child to be brought up in. Where will she stay when she is with him? Do Not believe that the judge will rule inyour favor. Each Judge is different and it is shocking the things they do. If you and your husband agree on shared or joint custody do it, but if he is inconsistant or irrisponsible don't you dare I did and I am paying for it now. Be careful and call a family court attorney most of them do free initial counsels. Good Luck. Ginger
Re: custody fight hby216: I am going through the same thing right now. My x and I have been seperated for over a year and half and after I filed for divorce he deceided that our son should be with him because he doesn't like me. I also raised my son since birth all alone even though I was married. My husband worked nights and slept days. We never saw him and suddenly now that we are getting a divorce I am not good enough to raise our son! I agreed and filed for joint custody while we are waiting for our divorce. I wish now I didn't. He won't let me say boo with him being right there. He fights me on EVERYTHING. Now I fear that he is making up lies about me so he can try to take my son away. I am so scared because of all this. My son is my only child and all I ever wanted in life was a child. I would be so lost without him. Whatever you do, don't give in to him. I find myself doing that a lot. A therapist once told me that women are the peace makers and men want to win the battle. That's exactly what happens in my case. I don't want to fight and he always wants to fight.
So if you can, BE STRONG. And get a lawyer who will help you win the battle.
Re: custody fight LicoriceWhip: If I might ask...
I see numerous statements that one's ex is somehow a lesser-quality parent for working/schooling during the days or nights. These statements either directly state, or indirectly infer that, because the one was working/schooling, such should be counted as a negative on the parenting abilty and custody potential of the person. I get this feeling from the nature of the posts.
I don't understand! How are these things negative (barring individual circumstances)?
Working can hardly be considered ignoble in most respects (except maybe mine... see a recent post of mine...). Schooling surely seems like an intent to improve one's situation; working and schooling seems quadruply so. Did anyone begrudge their spouse for doing so when these activities were begun?
About myself: I work too much, simply put. When my wife left, we did some counselling. One of her arguments was that I was never home because I was working and that I was missing out on our children's lives. Whatever she meant by "never" has to be loosly interpreted. She made it sound like that is what I wanted when all I wanted was to complete my current "project" so that the pressures of work would be off. The last year was the most intense, so when she says never, it really must mean "hardly ever in the last year." In my defense, she had no problem with my salary... Also in my defense, to keep our standard of living, did I have any choice? The downside of at-will-employment was looming.
In short, it was unfair of her to make a connect between my working and my parenting quality simply because I was working.
I take my coffee with two or more lumps...
LW
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