Unattractive lovelost: I know with all the emotions I feel because my H left me that this is the last thing I should be concerned about, but I can't shake the feeling that I am Unattractive.
If he doesn't want me anymore, can I expect someone else to find me desireable and attractive. How do I gain the confidence to put myself back on the "market"?
Re:Unattractive feelindown: I have to comment lovelost, I have had those questions go through my head a lot lately also. I'm sure that she left because I wasn't doing it for her any more. This is one of the feelings of regection I suppose. ???
I look in the mirror and like what I see - for the most part. I feel sad that this happened but can't blame my looks. Some of the most atractive people think they are ugly. It must be in the eye of the beholder and we both must have had selfish spouses that felt the grass was greener.
Keep working on your self so you feel confident, I lost some pounds, got a haircut, going to try a back waxing maybe?, try to run and lift weights, smile as much as possible - it will all work out. You will be fine!
Re:Unattractive Safetykc: Hey LL,
Don't sweat it. What you are feeling is natural in the breakup in a relationship. It gets even worse if your ex cheated on you as mine did. All I can say is I had the same thoughts but went on after divorce to date a number of amazing women.
It's all a matter of self esteem. If you think of yourself as unattractive you will smile less, be more shy and be less outgoing. Then when someone doesn't respond to this as most people wouldn't you will say, see, I am unattractive and the viscious cycle continues...
Just think of the sage words of Stuart Smiley...
I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me! ;)
Take Care,
Safety
Re:Unattractive amess: those feelings are understandable and normal. Just be careful you don't make your ex overattractive, because he is at the root of it. It's easy to forge fantasies in your head about how great they have it, but they have just as many insecurities------------they just act them out in a different way.
Re:Unattractive OldSchool: OK Lovelost, everyone so far is correct in their assessment of how you feel. It's very easy to slip into that mentallity that nobody will find you attractive after the rejection that you've been through.
I felt terrible after knowing I wasn't the only man in my ex's life. It was devastating.... even when other women showed interest, I felt so disgusting inside. I would cry myself to sleep asking God why do I feel this terrible inside.
Well those days are long gone now... it's been over 2 years since my divorce and I know for certain that I can attract women. I've even started to reciprocate and started dating a couple of months ago. I did go to bars and had my share of hookups and an occassional one-nighter.
The transition to single life isn't easy... we're all new at it, but give yourself the chance to make mistakes and keep trying. Don't settle... don't settle just because the first person you see shows interest. Trust me there will be such a line that you will start to enjoy the attention. This is just a phase.....
take care,
OS
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