What a Day Alison: I am so down today. Yesterday was his b-day, the anniversary of our first date, and the day I signed the papers to start the divorce process. I cried most of the day yesterday and started today that way. To top it off my son hates me right now and the guy I was just starting to date told me he has a girlfriend. I don't think it could get much worse. I must have a sign on my back that says kick me I'm not down enough on myself.
It is really bothering me that my son is so mad at me. I am not the one that wanted this. I tried everything and got no response from my X. I know it sounds immature but this is not fair!! I don't know how to make it better for my son. It seems like all he wants to do is be with dad. He fights with me all the time. He has been throwing his crayons at me and telling me he doesn't want to be with me. He told me that I am ruining his day. I feel like I am ruining his life. When am I going to get off this poor me kick and get some strength?
Oh yeah, how could I forget what my X emailed me yesterday? I started the emails by saying happy b-day. (I'm trying to be nice, or maybe holding on?) Anyway I mentioned that I was going to sign papers and said that he could come with. He said no, that it was going to be too hard and not on his b-day. I said I understood and told him that I was just looking for him to tell me that things were moving too fast and that I wanted him to tell me to wait. His response was, we are not burning bridges it's just paper. What does that mean. I wouldn't think much of it except on Sunday he told me that we should go forward with the divorce but who knows what the furture could bring for us. How could there even be an us after the divorce?? Somebody please tell me what to do, and what he is trying to do to me!!!
Alison
Re:What a Day brokenman: Is your H the king of apathy or what?!? I can't decide if I think he is trying to passively control you through inaction, doesn't take your seriously, or just doesn't give a damn. It's probably a lot of each. I think the only thing you can do is STAY FIRM. Pick your course of action and stick to it. He will either be forced to deal with the issues or he will wake up one day and realize he is alone.
Your son is a tougher issue. Can you get him to a counselor? You just never know with kids. It could be that he is angry with his father and lashing out at you because he is more comfortable with you. Maybe not, but often you can't easily tell. A good talk with an impartial listener can reveal a lot.
FYI, you are not alone. Although my ex cheated on me and moved out I have had a couple arguments with my daughter that shook me apart. After visiting her mother on one particular occasion my daughter came home ready to tear my head off. It isn't like her to be like that, but she was convinced that I was making stuff up, mistreating her mother, and the bad guy for ending the marriage. Some things may have appeared fuzzy to a 10 year old, but she was witness to her mother's cheating. She knew about the OM before I did. So in the end the facts did not match the argument.
It is easy to start wishing and choose to see what you want... especially if someone is bending your ear. But frankly, the truth is the truth. Kids will see it eventually. If you do what is right you cannot be honestly be blamed. It hurts once in a while but in the end it will work out.
Re:What a Day richmds: I agree with brokenman, pick an action and hold firm.
Sounds like he is confused about the situation himself. He doesnt want to be enemies but wants to continue with the divorce. Meaning if something in the future can be done after some time away and healing or whatever. He doesnt want to end and be thats that. But thats not exactly fair since what if nothing comes of it, not right to ask someone to wait indefinitely for something that might not happen.
As for your son I dont know what you should do. I think sometimes kids just get mad at the person they think will forgive them easier when they are put in a situation like this. It might not be that he hates you he just knows maybe if he gets mad at you, you will be quicker to forgive him down the line than his father. And he is upset so he has to pick someone to blame for something he knows you both are involved in but doesnt understand.
Yeah sometimes when it rains it pours but it helps us appreciate the good days more. Hang tough.
