i hate being angry lee: I hate being angry all the time. I hate that the man i wanted to spend the rest of my life with doesnt want me anymore. What did i do wrong? I dont understand. You never EVER explain it sufficiently. You are too busy to find me attractive. Now you say you'd had sex with me even when you didnt want to. What am i, some kind of f--ing hideous thing that you have to force yourself to be with. but then you get agry if i talk to other men. you get jealous when i hang out with friends or talk on the phone too long. Make up your mind do you want me or not.
And why did you decide of all times to move out to move out while im away on business. And now I get to come back to our half empty house on my birthday. You coulnt wait to get out. am i that horrible. all i wanted was what was best for you. I moved when you got a new job. I supported you when you hated your old job. i devoted myself to you. is that what makes me so disgusting to you. Is that why you resent me?
I hate being this angry person. I hate feeling bitter. I hate it. I especially hate myself when i seek out sympathy from others. And I hate myslef for wanting you back. TOO Busy to find me attractive. Forcing yourslef to make love to me? And you cant understand why I am upset when you say these things to me. And you are ALWAY so SORRY after you say those horrible things. Until this point the hardest thing to do in my life was to forgive someone who wasnt sorry. But now here you are saying you are sorry, You are always sorry. but sorry doesnt cut it. sorry wont make me whole again & sorry doesnt take the anger & the hurt away.
Now you say you want to be with me forever. HOW??? How ? HOW? You makeno sense & that makes me angry. Im tired of being agry it takes too much energy to maintain. Im tired of feeling like a piece of crap. Im tired of you being sorry for crushing me. im tired of feeling small & scared & stupid.
Re:i hate being angry down south xhubbie: the emotion in your post is just absolutely amazing. I was right there with you throughout your post. Now, you're left not only in pain, but he has completely confused you. I'm really sorry for your loss. :-[ Hang in there and stay here with us on the boards.
Re:i hate being angry dolbaby1977: reading your letter, i can really relate to you. it crazy, how do we love sumone who doesnt even care about us? this is my 1st time on here, and i am already learning that i am not alone, and that is what i was thinking...i hope the best works outs for you! you seem like a really strong person. take care
