any daddys out there? MARVINCHASER: I've been seperated for 6 mos now, and my 5 yr old sees his dad each and every weekend. He's always been a good dad, but I'm just starting to get so scared. I guess it's starting to hit me.. I can't believe he left us. I know technically he didn't leave our son, but what if he decides to later? I've shared my concerns with him, but he just says I'm stupid and he would never do that. It's hard to believe that, I never thought he would leave me either. I know you all probably think I'm crazy, but I can't help the way I feel. I just can't believe he wanted to get away from me so bad that he doesn't want to live with our son. My son always talks about how much he misses his daddy, it really breaks my heart. I guess I'd just like to hear from other fathers and get their perspectives on things.
Re: any daddys out there? luvbai: Mine wasn't a fear of the X leaving our daughter is was that he'd disappear with her. ::) Just another fear I had to conquer.
Jim's disclaimer! May sound harsh! I'm sorry in advance.
Its very hard not project such regection onto your child. In reality he really did leave just you, not your son. If you feel he was a good dad before what makes you think he'd change his feelings for his son? I know its very hard to swallow, but this line of thinking is only distructive to the child. Now I don't think that your stupid for having these fears, its a normal part of the process when you've been "left." What my point is that you can't let this fear get in the way of the normaly, healthy growth of your son.
You say you can't believe he wanted to get away from you so bad that he doesn't want to live with your son..... would you rather believe he just didn't want to live with your son? Come on! Not me! Leave me for me not my daughter! That's my thoughts!
Re: any daddys out there? Old_Shoes: My kids were the best thing to come out of my marriage. I would never consider losing contact with them. It's hard because having kids means dealing with their mother. Not that she's a bad parent, it's just an emotional downer, sometimes.
I wouldn't worry about something that hasn't happened and may never happen. Try and make sure that it's easy for him to visit the kids. Don't use his visits to pick up the kids as a time to bring anything up. His time with the kids should be just about them.
Re: any daddys out there? confusedlife: In response to what luvbai said. I really don't think that if they are a good parent during the marriage that would make any difference outside the marriage. Maybe its that we are so young but I took custody of my two children and I rarely every see my wife. She doesn't call the kids at all. At best once a week and she barely ever sees them. To her and this happen last week she talk to them once on the phone and quite honestly that doesn't matter since they are only 1 1/2 and 3 phone time doesn't really count and she came over for like 10 minutes to spend time with them. She doesn't buy them anything, she doesn't spend any time with them outside her every other week deal. And when she does have them every other week she doesn't take them anywhere she just leaves them at home. So maybe its me and I miss her but she is a lousy mother now
Re: any daddys out there? luvbai: confused~ was she a good mother before? I would be willing to bet she wasn't that great of a mom when you were together. Truely the only one that is really being hurt in the long run is her! She is missing out on every milestone in there lives. At those ages there are many. Yes, the kids will have some rejection issues but with a loving, supportive environment they will come out unscathed. I'm kinda gettin of the orginal thred here but if she doesn't want them in her life why force her? That would just suck for the kids, you, & we don't care if it sucks for her.
I could get on a very tall soap box when it comes to children. We, the adults, need to act like it. It's very unfortunate that alot of parents don't. I would put your ex wife or wife or whatever in that category.
Talks to them on the phone, but it doesn't matter..... are you kidding me? My 3 year old loves talking on the phone to her dad. Has loved it for at least a 1 1/2, she'll be 4 in May. It doesn't matter if they even say anything, just the listening to the other persons voice.... that's the kicker!
She doesn't buy them anything.... again so the f* what! Are you not the one with custody, can you not provide for them? Do you really need her financial assistance? I know I don't, I don't need the X going out & getting her stuff. He wouldn't know what size of pants she wore if I taped it to his.... hand! I can do this on my own.
Congrats to you dad, I have a 3 year old & don't know how I'd handle anohter one, espically younger.
P.S. Taking the kids places doens't make her a good mom. So what if she's stays at home with them. I stay at home with my daughter every time I have her. Does that make me a bad mom? Hell NO! I'm a damn good mother!
I don't know... sorry for being rude... but lets be real... its about the kids not the adults!
