I need advice please!!! MARVINCHASER: My husband and I have been seperated for about 5 mos now.
All in all, my 5 year old is doing okay. He sees my s2bx every week for 3 days and 2 nights and on the other days, he calls him. I know my son has it really good as far as that goes,but when I pick him up every weekend, he's a monster!!! It's nothing that my ex is doing, we're very consistent with rules, he just has a hard time making the transition. He's mean, then he crys about how much he misses daddy and it's breaking my heart. I don't know what to do to make this easier for him :'(
Re: I need advice please!!! Old_Shoes: The transition days are tough on mine, too. My six year old boy will be angry and misbehave the first day back. He gradually gets better through the day and is fine the next day. My daughter behaves similarly, but she will usually talk about it at bed time.
I am at 4 months since the separation. The transition days have gotten a little better over time. The kids are seeing a counselor every two weeks which helps some. I also make sure they understand that they can talk to either their mother or me about anything.
They have expressed some of their fears. Things like having to chose between their parents. I forget sometimes that this is just as hard on them as it is on me.
Re: I need advice please!!! soulsearching: We went through the same thing for about the first year. Out of both of the kids, then ages 4 and 7, the oldest wasn't handling the transition well at all. It's been almost 2 yrs now and they seem to have finally adjusted to the back and forth schedule for the most part.
I understand how it feels. Every sunday nite my oldest had so many emotions when he got home that he didn't know what to do with. He was sad, angry, and grouchy every single time he came home. It was exhausting. It broke my heart to listen to him too. He would miss his dad so much and beg me to call him and tell him to come home. It was very hard.
I guess a little advice I can give is just be extra loving to him. I used to lay in bed with mine and just listen to him for as long as he would talk. Sometimes it would only take a few minutes and would drift off to sleep but others I would be amazed at just how much he could talk about his feelings for such a little guy!! Also, I got into a habit of renting movies or playing board games with them on sunday nites. I tried a lot of things, but really the only thing that really makes a real difference is time.
I had forgotten how rough it really was until I read this post ...so see, it does get better. It will just take a little more time.
Hang in there.
Re: I need advice please!!! Lisaf: Oh don't we all just LOVE transition day! My 5-year-old daughter has a GUARANTEED tantrum of some kind the first day back from dad's house.
By the way for all the newly single parents...there's a great forum at http://www.parentsworld.com/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl
I don't know that there is anyway to ease the transition except to start giving your child the words to express his feelings...eventually he may start using words instead of acting out. Try things like "Its hard to change from one house to another isn't it?" or "It must be hard to leave daddy's house when you just got used to being there!" or other words like confusing, challenging, being sad, frustrating, being angry etc etc etc. I've seen my daughter go from a nearly full-blown tantrum to completely crumpling when I give her a way to express her feelings - and let her know its alright to have them.
Re: I need advice please!!! MARVINCHASER: Thanks everyone, I'm glad to know other people are going through this too, it's not just us.
